


New Beginings

by LokiHutchersonMellark



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, PTSD, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, The sex is no longer implied, Violence, anger issues, mentions of abuse, that might change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-05-25 09:31:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14974280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiHutchersonMellark/pseuds/LokiHutchersonMellark
Summary: Throughout their lives, Ben and Rey have suffered through traumatic events that they cant seem to escape, both mentally and physically. Everywhere they look the demons of their past and present are there, watching and waiting for something terrible to happen again. By circumstance they meet one day and maybe, with some luck, things will start to change.





	1. Beginings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on this as I go, but I do have the next few chapters done. I'll put up warnings on the chapters that might be a tough for some readers. This is a little different than what I normally write, so bear with me. Also, I want to apologize in advance for how I'm writing this. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Stressed out by Twenty One Pilots plays over the radio in store as Ben wanders the isles, trying to find the ingredients to the pasta he wants to make. He can’t find the fucking garlic powder. He’s about to give up when he finally spots it. 

“Fucking finally,” he mumbles grabbing it and throwing it in the cart. Thank god the chicken and shrimp are easy to find. He’s rounding the corner of the isle when a kid pops out in front of him. 

“Whoa!” he says stopping suddenly and giving a slight chuckle. 

“Aska, watch out!” a woman says in a stern manner. 

“It’s fine,” he laughs, finally seeing the owner of the kid. She has long brown hair that flows down to her shoulders. It’s tucked behind her ears but little strands hang freely against the side of her face. Her hazel eyes shine as bright as the sun. She’s, without a doubt, the prettiest girl he’s ever laid eyes on. He’s so caught off guard by her beauty that he almost doesn’t hear her apologize. He blinks a few times, bringing himself back. 

“It’s no problem. Kids can be a handful,” he laughs seeing another kid by her side and one in the cart. 

“Especially these,” she laughs nervously tucking the loose hair behind her ears. Ben instantly notices the absence of a wedding ring around her finger. Maybe she’s a single mom. Maybe he has a chance. 

“You’re not wearing a ring?” he points out. She looks down at her hand before replying with “That’s none of your business.” 

Ben smiles before raising her hands innocently. “You’re right. My apologies,” he laughs. 

“Maybe don’t go prying into strangers lives,” she says defensively, crossing her arms. She has a beautiful English accent. 

“Lesson learned. I’m Ben,” he says stretching his hand out to her. She looks at it tentatively before glancing at his face and then back to his hand. 

“Rey,” she finally states taking his hand and shaking it, her hand practically disappearing in his. Ben is this tall, well built and bulky man compared to her defined features on top of a small body and short height. 

“It’s nice to meet you. What’s your kids names?” he asks, not wanting to leave her just yet. 

“Well you already met Aska, but this is Caine and this is Kyra,” she says gesturing to the boy standing next to her first, then the baby girl in the cart. She’s gotta be a little over a year old. 

“Ahh. Well it’s nice to meet you too,” he replies gesturing to the kids. 

“We must be going. It was nice meeting you as well,” she replies trying to hurry the kids along. 

“Wait!” Ben says catching her arm. “Can I at least get your number?” he asks, his eyes soft. He knows she’s got kids and that she’s probably married but what does it hurt to ask. There’s nothing wrong with being a friend. 

“I have kids. That should tell you I’m married,” she replies. 

“Not necessarily, but you said it was none of my business. Besides it looks like you could use a break...or a friend. What are you doing Friday night?” he asks. She takes a moment to think before she responds. 

“I can’t. My husband wouldn’t approve,” she responds. 

“Is it your happiness or his? Come on, you look exhausted. I can babysit if you’d like to take a night for yourself,” Ben prods, not about to take no for an answer. 

“Fine. I’ll give you my number but don’t expect me to join you Friday or for you to watch my kids,” she sighs in defeat but there’s a hint of stubbornness in her voice. 

“Done. I’ll let you know the time and place if you do want to join me. And I’ll wait to see if you want me to babysit,” he smiles as she digs her phone out of her purse. After she gives him her number they part ways. Ben hopes to god she texts him back.


	2. Surprise

Friday:  
Ben texted Rey as soon as he got home the other day with details about where to meet him, if she wanted to join. He never got a text back but he expected it. The reason she didn’t have a ring on could easily be explained by she forgot to put it on. Still, it upsets him. So when he spots her through the crowd, he practically runs to her. 

“You made it!” he says excitedly and a smile crosses her face. 

“I guess you were right. I needed a break,” she yells over the roar of the crowd. 

“Well, I’m glad you came. I wasn’t expecting it,” he responds taking her hand and pulling her along with him, over to the bar. She doesn’t approve of the hand taking but allows him to lead her anyway. She’d loose him in the crowd if she didn’t. 

“What do you want? I’m buying,” he asks as she takes a seat and he leans against the bar with his forearms. As he turns his head she catches sight of the dark ring around his eye. 

“What happened to your eye?” she asks. 

“What?” he laughs, looking at her. He can’t believe she actually came. 

“What happened to your eye?” she asks again. 

“This?” he asks, pointing to his black eye. 

“Yes!” she says, almost in a chuckle. 

“None of your business,” he responds playfully, trying to get the attention of a bartender. 

“Really? I thought you weren’t that type of guy,” she smiles, red filling her cheeks knowing he’s giving her shit from the other day. 

“That type of guy. I thought you were married?” he jides. 

“I am,” she says hiding the frown. Ben can’t help but to notice. It’s not his place to ask though, at least not yet, even she has stated. 

“I’m a boxer,” he says changing the subject quickly. 

“Is that where you got the black eye?” she asks. 

“Yeah. I had a match tonight,” he says finally getting the attention of a bartender. 

“Sorry about the wait. What can I get you two?” the bartender asks, his name tag reading Sebastian. 

“I’ll take a Guinness and whatever she wants,” he says gesturing to Rey. 

“I’ll just take a water,” she says. 

“What!? No. You gotta get some alcoholic drink. You’re taking a break. One drink won’t kill you,” Ben laughs trying to convince her. 

“Ok. Fine,” she giggles knowing he’s right. What’s one drink? “I’ll take a Blue Hawaii,” she finishes. 

“Awesome. I’ll be right back,” Sebastian responds wandering off to make their drinks. 

“A cocktail huh?” Ben asks. 

“Yeah. I don’t normally drink and I don’t really like the taste of alcohol, so I gotta have something to even it out,” she responds, her fingers fidgeting. 

“Understandable. It gets too much for me sometimes as well,” he says as Sebastian returns. 

“A Guinness for you and a blue Hawaii for you. If you need anything else let me know,” Sebastian says handing them their drinks and then leaving. 

“So...did you win your match tonight then?” Rey asks, running her straw around her drink. 

“Yeah. I’m undefeated,” he replies taking a long drink of his Guinness. 

“Undefeated?” Rey asks in amusement. 

“Yep. They can’t drop my ass.” Ben laughs. 

“When’s your next match?” she asks, finally taking a sip of her drink. 

“I have matches on Fridays,” he responds. 

“Every Friday?” she asks. 

“Yep. Over at the event center. Then we come here and party,” he says. 

“Sounds like a good time,” she replies and Ben just laughs and rolls his eyes. 

“Not unless you have someone to spend your time with. Mostly everyone here is an asshole, so if you actually want to have a good time you a) get wasted or b) bring a friend. I’d rather bring a friend. I don’t normally go for option a,” Ben says taking another drink. He’s already about halfway through his. 

“If it sucks so bad then why come?” she asks, twirling her straw around again. 

“Music and dancing. Plus I like the lights. The blue color theme tonight is really soothing,” he sighs, looking around before landing back on her. She wore an elegant dress tonight that flows down to her ankles. 

“Guess I choose the right drink then,” she laughs slightly. 

“I guess,” he laughs before saying, “Do you want to go dance?” 

“I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t,” she sighs, looking like she’s getting lost in her thoughts. 

”It’s not slow dancing. You don’t even have to hold my hand,” he laughs sensing she a little uneasy about it. He probably shouldn’t have just took her hand earlier but he got caught up in excitement. 

“Alright,” she smiles and Ben quickly downs the rest of his drink. 

“Let’s go!” he says excitedly as she grabs her drink and follows him.


	3. Her Confession (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I split this chapter into two parts. I didn't like how long it would've been because there's four different parts to it. These two parts are the shorter of the four.
> 
> Just FYI, the next chapter will contain matter that might be hard to read.

Next Friday:  
Ben throws a left and then a hard right, connecting to the other guys jaw. He drops to the mat, his hand flying to his now bleeding teeth. Ben jumps slightly back and forth on his feet. 

This match has been too easy. 

The ref checks on the guy as he gets back to his feet, his eyes not leaving his opponent. Then the ref tells them to continue. The guy charges Ben, but he side steps the man. 

“Stop embarrassing yourself,” he thinks to himself. To think his opponent is undefeated as well is repulsive. The man is fighting like he’s never won a match before and is desperate for a win. Ben wins the match within the first set, barely breaking a sweat. He’s pissed off though. He wanted this to be a good fight, one worth the time. He wants to work for this streak, not have it be handed to him. 

“How about next week you find me an opponent worth my while!” he snaps snatching his towel from his trainers hands. 

“Im sorry Ben, this guy was supposed to be a fight,” his coach replies. 

“Whatever,” Ben huffs hopping out of the ring. “I barely broke a sweat you piece of shit!” he yells back at his coach. 

“Kylo Ren, huh?” a familiar voice asks and as he turns his head back his eyes land on Rey. His mood instantly changes. 

“Umm...yeah. It’s my...my fighter name. Umm...Hey,” he smiles, stumbling over his words like an idiot and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. She can’t help but to smile. 

“Smooth,” he thinks to himself sarcastically. 

“Good match,” she responds, pulling her purse back up over her shoulder. Ben just scoffs, crossing his arms. 

“It wasn’t even a match,” he replies rolling his eyes. 

“But you won?” she replies in confusion. It might have not of been the match he wanted but the outcome was a win. 

“I’d rather actually earn it,” Ben replies with snark. His ego and cockiness coming out in full force. 

“Well I enjoyed watching it,” she replies defensively, taken back by Ben’s attitude. He’s never been rude to her, granted they’ve only known each other for a few weeks now. One of those weeks she didn’t even talk to him. Either way he’s been nothing but polite. 

Ben quickly realizes what he said and moves to fix it. “I’m sorry. I just. I would rather have a match where the person I fight actually makes it a challenge. I want people to know I worked for this, for my streak. I don’t want people to think everything I’ve worked my ass off for was handed to me.” 

“I guess I can see that,” she replies opening back up a bit. 

“What are you doing tonight?” he asks. 

“Well, right now I’m here with you,” She says softly. Ben is taken back by her wording. It’s as if she’s here wanting to be more than friends. 

“I got that,” he laughs. 

“How about I go get cleaned up and then we can go get something to eat?” 

“That sounds fine,” she smiles. Surprisingly she likes spending time with him. 

Ben swears he saw her blush. 

 

Later that night  
“So, can I ask something?” Ben asks as he takes another bite of his burger. They decided to go to a best burger joint in town for dinner. It’s not too fancy but it’s also not too cheap. 

“Depends on the question,” she replies. 

“If you don’t want to answer it’s fine but I’d like to know. I feel like, even though we’ve been friends now for a few weeks, I should at least know,” he states, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. 

“What’s your question?” she laughs, dipping her fries into ketchup. 

“You have three kids yet, you don’t wear a ring. I’ve known you for almost a month now and I haven’t met or even heard about your husband,” he says and she just looks at him. Then she scoffs slightly and smacks her lips in disbelief, maybe. 

“You shouldn’t be getting involved with a married woman,” she eventually responds dropping her fries and sitting back in her chair. 

Ben is thrown off guard for a second. He didn’t think he insinuated he liked her in what he said. He was just curious. Granted if it turns out her husband is out of the picture, he was going to jump all over that chance. Isn’t it curious though, that she keeps coming to hang out with him and talking to him yet, he’s never met or heard of the husband. (He’s heard about her friends.) Does he even know what his wife is up to? As much as Ben would love to be with her, he isn’t looking to break up a family. Instead he turns the statement around, “and a married woman shouldn’t be getting involved with an eligible man.” 

“I don’t have feelings for you, Ben” she eventually responds, taken off guard by his comment. She wasn’t expecting that response, especially since she has feelings for him and she knows he has them for her. Her husband is the reason she can’t admit it, she’s not that type of person. Soon, Ben will know the truth though. 

“And I none for you. I’m asking as your friend who is curious,” he says making himself clear. She takes a moment to ponder, her eyes cast downward. 

“Alright I’ll tell you but you can’t tell anyone, even my kids don’t know, yet,” she states. Now’s a good time, she guesses. 

“I won’t” he promises looking her straight in the eye so she can see he’s not lying, that he means it from the the bottom of his heart. 

“And I can’t tell you here” she finishes.


	4. Her Confession (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning: This chapter does contain mentions of abuse.

The moon lights their path as their toes sink in the sand. 

“Damn, it’s beautiful out tonight,” Ben smiles, glancing at the water. They both tote their shoes in their hands. 

“It’s a bit chilly,” she responds. “Here!” he responds quickly taking his jacket off and placing it around her shoulders. 

“Thanks,” she smiles, holding onto the seems. 

“Why couldn’t you tell me during dinner?” he asks after awhile. 

“Because it’s really hard on me,” she responds as they sit down in the sand, close enough so the water laps over their feet. 

“I’m sorry,” he says In regret, his head tilting down. He didn’t mean to bring something up that hurts her. 

“You don’t have to answer the question.” “No! You deserve to know. It isn’t right of me not to tell you since we’ve become close friends,” she responds. 

“It doesn’t matter if I deserve to know or not. It matters if you’re comfortable telling me or not,” he states firmly. 

“I want to tell you,” she replies, barely allowing him to finish his sentence. 

“Oh!” he responds taken back. 

“I mean it too,” she responds and their eyes meet. 

“You do?” he whispers after staring into them. 

“Yes,” she responds. God he wants to lean in and kiss her right now but he knows he can’t. He swallows hard before he forces himself to look back towards the water. Silently they both let out a breath. 

“I just didn’t know how,” she sighs. 

“Well now’s your chance,” he smiles, trying to comfort her. 

“You can’t tell anyone and I’m telling you that for several reasons,” she says. 

“I’m not. I swear I wouldn’t hurt you,” he responds softly, and notices how she takes that last sentence. Her eyes cast off to the distance as a frown crosses her face, her body becoming rigid. Something tells him this conversation is not going to go the way he thinks. It’s either a) going to piss him off, b) make him upset, or c) both. 

“Rey, look at me,” he instructs but she ignores him. 

“All my life I’ve been alone. I grew up in an orphanage where no one gave a damn about me, where I was abused till I pulled enough money together to run away. I’ve been on my own for as long as I can remember. No friends, no allies, no loved ones. I struggled trying to survive and to make ends meet. There were many times where I had to go days without eating. When I first found my husband I thought he was everything I wanted. He loved me, cared about me, wanted to spend time with me, helped me heal and taught me essentials to life. He didn’t care about what I had to do to stay alive till I found him or what mistakes I made. I thought I had finally found a happy ending and everything was great...for awhile,” she replies not daring to look at Ben. If she did she knows she’d lose it, more than what she is. 

“It was just after we had Aska that things started to change. He wasn’t as loving and understanding any more. It started out small, like yelling or getting really frustrated but then I’d do something wrong and I’d…” she stops, taking a deep breath. Ben rubs her back softly trying to comfort her. He knows where this is going already and he doesn’t want to hear her say it. She doesn’t deserve it, no one does. Tomorrow’s practice session is going to be painful for someone. 

“You can stop,” he says seeing the tear slip down her face, both their hearts racing. 

“I’d be met with a hand across the face. At first I thought it was the stress, that he didn’t know how to handle his emotions over this new change. Over time, though, it became more often and more violent. He also started to control and monitor my life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hide the bruises and scars from my co-workers and kids...especially my kids. I couldn’t bear to have them ask questions. Eventually, I found out he was cheating on me with multiple people and, like a fool, I’d take him back each time. He’d apologize and he would stop abusing me and it would be like it used to for a few weeks. Then he’d start again...the reason I told you, you can’t tell anyone is because I only want certain people knowing. I don’t want the authorities involved just yet. Before you ask, I am working on divorcing him, and thankfully I’m almost done with the paperwork. It’s been a long process. He doesn’t know yet and neither do the kids. They’ll find out at the right time. Then I’m going to get a restraining order and get full custody of the kids,” she finishes. 

He doesn’t say anything for the longest time as he takes it all in. He’s happy she’s getting out of this situation but oh god is he pissed. Why has this man gotten by beating her for this long is far beyond frustrating. He wants to go beat the living shit out of the dude. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt, in anyway, shape or form. He wipes the tears off her face before getting to his feet. 

“You’re mad?” she says. 

“Yes,” he says after a long moment, letting out a breath. 

“It’s understandable, but I’m getting out of it and I need your support, please,” she says softly and he turns to look at her. The pain on her face is killing him. 

“You don’t need to ask for it, you already had it. But you better make damn sure you don’t leave me alone with him,” he states firmly. If she only knew what his life was like before all of this. 

“You’d beat him for it, wouldn’t you?” she asks. He just shakes his head yes, mostly in embarrassment. 

“I want to tell him in private as soon as the paperwork goes through, which should be soon,” she says taking in the thought. She’s thankful Ben cares that much for her but she doesn’t want him to beat her soon to be ex-husband. As much as she’d love it she wants to be the bigger person. “I need you not to lose your shit on him,” she finishes. 

“Why? He beats you, I don’t put up with that shit. No one deserves it, especially you,” he whips in anger. 

“I know, and you have every right to be angry, but I don’t want this to end in that way. I want to be the bigger person,” she says. He can’t say anything because he knows she’s right and he wants to respect her wishes. 

“Alright,” he eventually replies with a sigh. 

“Thank you,” she says as he looks back at the water. His stomach knots in anger as he tries to calm himself. He doesn’t even hear her get up but he doesn’t move when he feels her arms snake around his sides. Her head rests against his back as his hands cover hers.

“Ben,” she whispers. 

“Rey,” he responds, relaxing at her touch. 

“I don’t want to go home tonight,” she says and he’s almost disappointed that she didn’t say something else. A slight frown crosses his face but he wipes it away before she realizes. One day maybe. 

“You can stay at my place if you want,” he offers. 

“Would that be ok with you?” she asks. 

“You don’t need to ask,” he smiles. 

 

“You can have the bed. I’ll take the couch,” he says as he unlocks the door to his apartment. 

“Don’t be silly. I can take the couch. I’m the guest,” she responds as he opens the door. She’s surprised at how clean and organized his place is. Rock band posters cover his walls with speakers set strategically around the room. There’s a fairly large TV set with a couch and chair. The different shades of grey and darker blue play perfectly with his black appliances. 

“No, it wouldn’t be right of me,” he replies. There’s a display case full of trophies and awards but as she looks closer she sees something that catches her eye, a flag folded in the shape of a triangle. Below is a picture of a group of soldiers with an inscription of a battle. In the middle of the group stands Ben, wearing all his gear and a look that seems distant. 

“You served?” she asks in curiosity. 

“It’s a part of my life I’d rather not talk about,” he responds plainly, throwing his keys on the table and getting a few cups out of the cupboard. 

“What branch?” she asks. 

Marines,” he responds, grabbing the thing of juice out of the fridge. 

“Thank,” “Don’t,” he says interrupting her. “Don’t thank me. It’s a story for another time. Do you want some?” he asks, showing her the bottle. 

“Can I have water,please?” she asks softly. 

“Of course. I didn’t mean to cut you off. I just don’t like to be thanked,” he says. 

“Why?” she asks in curiosity. “I’m not going to talk about it...are you sure you’re not going to get...shit for staying with me tonight?” he asks preparing their drinks and handing Reys to her. 

Yes. I told you, he thinks I’m out with friends,” she responds taking her glass. 

“Alright,” he says, trusting her. Technically he is a friend. He finishes his drink before wandering back to his bedroom. Rey follows him, still gawking over his home. 

“I keep it pretty cold, so I’m going to get out extra blankets, incase you want to use them,” he responds walking through the threshold. 

“I probably won’t,” she laughs slightly, glancing around the room. He’s got a king sized bed with plenty of pillows. His sheets and blankets match the color of the room, which is the same as the other. An American and Marine flag hang on the wall above the bed with a desk in the corner of the room. A TV sets on a dresser across from the end of the bed, against the wall. 

“I’m still getting them out,” he smiles opening the door to his closet. After grabbing a few blankets he closes the door again and sets them on the edge of the bed. 

“You ok?” he asks seeing she looks like she’s lost in space. 

“Yeah. Just looking,” she responds looking at him and he just giggles. 

“Well, look away. Sorry it’s a mess,” he laughs, gesturing to the room. 

“What mess?! This is the cleanest apartment I’ve ever seen!” she laughs. 

“The beds not made and my desk is a disaster!” he says moving to try to clean it up for her. 

“Ben, it’s fine, really,” she smiles catching his arm. 

“No. It’s not,” he responds softly looking at her eyes again, but this time his eyes can’t help but wander her body. She sees it but doesn’t say anything, she’d be lying if she said she hasn’t looked him up and down. She’s just smarter about when she did it. 

“It’s better than my house,” she says when his eyes return to hers. 

“Are you sure?” he asks after a few moments, swallowing the lump in his throat, again. 

“Yes,” she smiles. “Do you wanna wear some of my clothes? You shouldn’t sleep in jeans,” he says suddenly, moving over to his dresser. 

“Please?” she asks knowing she couldn’t tell him no. 

“Good. I’m glad you see if my way,” he says pulling out a pair of shorts and a shirt. 

“Here,” he says handing them to her and she takes them. “Ok then,” he says clapping his hands together, his nerves suddenly kicking in. 

“I guess i’ll leave you then. The bathroom is there and if you need anything I’ll be on the couch,” he says like a giddy teenage boy. She finds it cute that he keeps getting fidgety. From the outside he could seem like a monster, since he towers over everyone, is built and always looks a little angry. In reality, he’s actually a big teddy bear, who cares about things...maybe even her. 

“Thank you,” she smiles. 

“Yep,” he says smacking his lips and rubbing his thighs quickly before grabbing clothes for himself and a blanket. 

“Sleep tight,” he says leaving and shutting the door behind him. He lets out a breath before cursing at himself for starting to freak out over her. She can’t help but do the same except she starts giggling at his behavior. She hasn’t seen a boy that nervous around her in awhile, her friend notherless. That night they both can't help but to get off, thinking about the person in the other room.


	5. A Helping Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry it took me a month to update. I've been really busy lately but I'm going to try to do monthly updates. Hopefully, I can post more than just once a month.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

A little bit over a week later:  
Ben’s in the middle of his reps when his music cuts off in his headphones and is replaced by his ringtone. He places the bar back on the set before sitting up and grabbing his phone. Rey's name is sprawled across the screen as he answers it. 

“Hey, what’s up!” he greets her. 

“Hey, I got a question and favor to ask,” she says, almost like she’s in a hurry. 

“Go for it,” he responds. 

“What are you doing right now?” she asks. 

“Just getting my reps in. Do you need me to do something?” he asks. 

“If you could that’d be great but since you’re training you don’t have to,” she responds. 

“What if I want to?” he responds playfully, a smirk on his face. 

“I already dug myself a hole by asking, right?” She chuckles slightly, tucking a strand of hair back behind her ear. 

“Basically. What do you need?” he replies. 

“The paperwork finally went through and I need someone to watch the kids,” she responds. 

“No problem. When do you need me?” he asks. 

“Right now,” she responds, hating to be a burden. 

“Cool. I’ll be over shortly,” he responds standing to his feet and grabbing his water. 

“Thank you!” she responds before they hang up. 

“Ben!” his trainer yells, seeing him heading towards the locker room. 

“What?” he responds in annoyance. He was trying not to be seen dipping out. 

“Where are you going?” he asks walking over to him. 

“Something’s come up,” he replies. 

“That’s more important than training?” his trainer asks. 

“To me, yes. To you, no. It’s no problem. I was basically done with my reps anyway and it’s not like one day of leaving early is going to kill me” Ben responds before walking away and his trainer just sighs. God, Ben is easily the stubbornest and attitude filled kid he’s ever worked with. He’s also one of the best. It’s better to let him go before he has a breakdown. 

 

Later:  
“You have no idea how glad I am to have you!” Rey laughs opening the door to Ben, standing on the other side. She says it as a friendly gesture, as someone you can always count on, but deep down they both know it means more. 

“Anytime,” he smiles as she invites him in. It’s actually the first time he’s been in her home. It’s an absolutely breathtaking House. The flooring is all wood with the walls painted in various shades of brown. There’s plenty of windows allowing in sunlight and her living room is designed around the fireplace. It’s your typical home but somehow, she’s made it feel more homey, if that’s possible. Even with three kids it is quite clean. 

“If you have any problems or questions you can call me. They know the rules. There’s food in the fridge for when it’s lunch time,” she says grabbing her keys and purse. 

“I got it. Don’t worry. I’ve babysat before,” he laughs. 

“Not my kids,” she responds through gritted teeth, like they’re a handful. 

“Oh please, they’re angels...most of the time!” he laughs. 

“Exactly my point!” she giggles. 

“Just go. I don’t want you to be late. They’ll be fine,” he replies, trying to calm her uneasiness. He’s been around her kids a few times and they’ve always been a joy. It’s not that hard to please a eight, seven and two year old. 

 

When Rey returns home, late that afternoon, she finds them all passed out in a heap on the floor. It looks like they built a blanket fort, using the furniture for support. 

As she goes to wake up Ben, she notices something. His breathing is short and quick, like he’s trying to catch his breath. His body is stiff as a board but spazzes suddenly and violently. Then she hears him mumble something under his breath with his head whipping from side to side. 

“Ben, wake up,” she says softly, trying not to scare him. It doesn’t work and he sits up in panic. 

“Shhh. You’re fine,” she says trying to calm him, her hand rubbing his back. His chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath. His body is rigid and everything is zoned out. 

"It was just a dream, just a dream," he tells himself. Only it isn’t...or wasn’t. 

“Leave me be for a little bit,” he says after a few minutes and then getting up to his feet. 

“Are you ok?” Rey asks in concern. By now he’s woken up the kids and they’re looking at him in curiosity and worry. 

“Yes. I just need a minute,” he responds, trying to smile. After he locks himself in the bathroom he slumps against the door, letting the tears go. He’s going to have to call his therapist when he leaves here.

 

It’s a good hour before he comes out of the bathroom. When he does he sees the living room has been picked up and he can smell something cooking in the kitchen. 

“Are you hungry?” Rey asks seeing him round the corner. 

“No thanks,” he replies. 

“Are you sure? I’m making sloppy joes,” she says, trying to entice him. She doesn’t want him to go, mostly because of what happened. She knows he was crying in the bathroom because she followed him. It broke her heart and she wants to know why and what hurt him like that. It was all she could do not to barge in and hug him and try to make it better. She understood he wanted to handle it alone though.

The other reason she doesn’t want him to go is because she enjoys his company. She hasn’t been this happy in years and she loves talking and spending time with him. Everything seems to fall into place and is peaceful when he's around.

He eventually gives in, not wanting to upset her. As much as he loves her, he really just wants to go right now. Everything is screaming at him right now and he needs to calm down. The hour in the bathroom did nothing. If anything he feels worse. 

“I want your honest answer,” she says as he walks around to get a cup out of the cupboard. 

“About what?” he asks almost in a whisper. He knows what it’s about. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” she asks, knowing he’s probably not going to tell her either way right now. 

“Honestly?” He says considering how to answer. “Honestly, no. But I’m not going to talk about it right now.” 

“When you’re ready,” she says, giving a smile of understanding. He didn’t pressure her when she spilled her demons and she isn’t about to pressure him. 

He just nods before grabbing a glass and setting it down. His fingers wrap around the edge of the counter as he lets out a breath. He can feel the anxiety attack coming and he needs to leave. There’s more than one reason he's in therapy. 

“I can’t stay,” he says softly, the pressure in his chest rising. 

“Ben…” she starts to say but she can’t find the words. Honestly, she doesn’t even know where she was going with that statement. She’s very concerned about him but she doesn’t know what she can do or what's wrong. She knows he’s just going to refuse anything and she hates feeling helpless. 

This is something she hasn’t seen in him yet. He’s acting like a totally different person from when he walked in to babysit and the whole time she’s know him. He isn’t as lovable or joking, rather he’s reserved and timid. One look in his eyes and all you can see is pain and rage. 

“I’m sorry Rey, but I…” 

“You’re not going to hurt my feelings. If you need to leave you can go,” she says in a caring voice. 

“I’m sorry,” he says with his voice cracking. 

“Call me if you need me,” she says as he heads for the door in a hurry. One look tells her he wants her to come with him, to comfort him, but he knows she can’t. It makes her heart wrench in pain. 

When he gets home he loses his shit. He flips the table and chairs, shoves things off the counter, chucks spatulas and cereal across the room. His rage doesn’t stop in the kitchen and he ends up destroying the rest of his apartment. By the time he calms down blood stains his hands from punching his glass posters and display cabinet. 

He catches his breath as he lowers himself to the ground, laying on whatever debris are beneath him. The anger has been replaced by sadness now. He can’t decide if the water on his face is from sweat or tears. Either way he doesn’t care. 

“Fuck,” he whispers to himself before passing out.


	6. An Old Friend

“Solo, wake up,” a voice says, almost in annoyance. It’s a voice he’s all to familiar with but he’s too out of it to say anything. 

“Afternoon sunshine,” Hux says as Ben opens his eyes. 

“Shit,” Ben sighs going to rub his face but Hux stops him. 

“Wanna explain to me what happened?” he says as Ben sees his hands and realizes why Hux stopped him. He sits up slowly, the sounds of things being crushed underneath him echoing throughout the room. 

“How’d you get in?” he asks, still half asleep. 

“You left the door unlocked, dumbass,” Hux responds plainly. 

“Obviously,” Ben sighs. 

“What happened? You’re trainer called this morning and said you weren’t at training and that he couldn’t get ahold of you. Then I come here and find you passed out in the middle of a mess. Don’t bullshit me either,” Hux says sternly. 

“I couldn’t bullshit my way out of this if I tried,” Ben replies getting up. He slips his shirt off as he makes his way to his room. 

“Are you going to ignore my question?” Hux asks. 

“Yep,” Ben replies as he hears Hux starting to follow him. Hux can’t discipline him anymore, no matter how much he wants to. 

“Did you call your therapist yet?” Hux asks as Ben looks for a clean towel. 

“Nope. I will later,” Ben responds, getting annoyed. He hears Hux huff as he leaves. A few seconds later he finds a towel and heads for the bathroom. 

“You haven’t taken your meds yet for the day,” Hux says when he returns, Ben’s meds in hand. 

“You’re right. Thank you,” he responds in a sarcastic tone, taking them from Hux. 

“I could tell because I haven’t done shit and you have that look in your eye,” Hux responds as Ben takes them. 

“Yeah. I haven’t been this low in awhile. It’s nice of you come around only when I lose my shit,” Ben jibes, dropping his pants in front of Hux. 

“Jesus, Ben! Some warning next time,” Hux snips looking in the opposite direction. “And it’s hard when you’re a General in the military. You never ask to hang out except when you’re self loathing or you plan on getting drunk.” 

Ben rolls his eyes as he starts the shower. He knows Hux is right though. Sadly, Hux is the only one that has stayed close to him, after everything. Maybe part of it was their friendship when Ben was serving. 

Hux was Ben’s Captain. It wasn’t exactly right to have a friendship between an enlisted personnel and an officer but no one really gave a shit. Everyone knew that they had a special relationship. Most of the time there was a lot of getting on each others last nerve and Ben getting smoked by his Sergeants in the end. When they were on the same page though, and one of them wasn’t pissing the other off, they were inseparable. There was and always has been a sense of mutual respect. Whatever happened they’d figure it out together and work through it. 

Captain Hux always had a soft spot for Ben. In fact, Hux was a big part of getting Ben an honorable discharge instead of a dishonorable one. Ben was going head first towards the last option. He’s been thankful Hux and himself have remained friends. Even out side of the military, Hux continues to help him out and have his back. It doesn’t matter the situation either. Honestly, Ben doesn’t appreciate Hux as much as he should and he’s been trying to work on it.

“You’re right and I shouldn’t, but I do,” Ben responds stepping under the water. He lets out a soft sigh as the water hits his body. It feels relaxing on his sore muscles. 

“I’m just going to wait in the kitchen,” Hux says as he leaves. 

As soon as Hux is gone, Ben fills the tub and takes a bath instead. The water turns a light red color as he scrubs the blood off his hands, only to reopen some of the wounds. For awhile he just sits in the tub, knees tucked up with his arms resting on them. 

He hasn’t had a breakdown like this in awhile. Ok, a long time. He was doing really good. He set up a routine to see his therapist once a week to talk about whatever, he takes his meds everyday, if he got frustrated with something he’d walk away and apply his frustration and anger or whatever he was feeling in his training. If his ptsd was worse on a certain day he could call his therapist at anytime or write it down to tell it later. That’s what he’d do most of time. He’d wake up in the middle of the night or think he saw something while he was out and about and write it down. Then he’d do some things that his therapist would recommend to help the anxiety, depression and anger and he’d feel better. They also taught him to control what he was feeling, so he wouldn’t have an outburst. He stopped drinking and when he did drink, he went with Hux because he knew Hux would stop him before he’d do anything stupid. He found a job that he enjoys and is a stress relief for him. 

There was something about that dream though that sent him back. No one could’ve stopped it. This was bound to happen again, it was just a matter of time. Sadly, it just chose the worst time. Sometimes things build up and you think you’ve got them under control, then something happens and you can’t help but to combust. 

He’s getting better though. That was the longest he’s went without an outburst. Before he got help he’d let his anger out on anyone or anything at any given time. He’s going to have to tell Rey at some point but he doesn’t know when that time will be. 

When he walks out to the kitchen he sees Hux cleaning things up. “Stop. I’ll get it,” he says. 

“I’ll help you. I ordered pizza so...” “So that’s why you’re cleaning,” Ben says putting the pieces together. 

“Yes. Don’t need any unnecessary questions,” Hux replies. 

“Jesus Christ. Can you just stop your shit for two goddamn seconds,” Ben says in an irritated tone, picking up the couch cushions and putting them back in their proper position. 

“I’m joking. God, when was the last time you went to therapy?” Hux asks, setting his broom down. 

“I go every week,” Ben replies plopping down on the couch. 

“And have you been being honest or stubborn? You know it only works if you do the first one?” Hux says sitting down next to Ben. They haven’t talked in awhile and now is as good as any. Granted, they have their issues but he still cares for this idiot. That’s what friends do, right? 

“Yes, I’m well aware of how therapy works. And yes, I do try to be honest,” Ben responds rubbing his head in frustration. 

“You don’t try to be honest, it’s a you do or don’t situation. And don’t get mad. We’re just talking,” Hux responds, sensing this conversation is pissing Solo off. 

“I realize it’s do or do not I just…” Ben says before stopping himself and taking a deep breath. He’s getting worked up over nothing. “I had this dream that was way too...realistic, I guess. And I’ve been super stressed out lately and my anxiety has been through the roof and none of the techniques I’ve been using have been helping for some reason. It just all set me off and I couldn’t deal with it right and then one thing led to another...” he says, rambling on. 

“Have you told your therapist that?” Hux asks and Ben just sighs. 

“Not exactly,” he mumbles and Hux rolls his eyes as he laughs slightly. He knew Ben was being stubborn. 

“Why not?” he asks, as calmly as possible. 

“Because my routine changed and I was too busy talking about something, someone, else that I didn’t have time to really get shit off my chest,” he admits. His therapy sessions only last an hour and most of it is spent talking about Rey. She’s someone that makes him happy and that he cares for. His issues kinda got pushed off. 

“And who’s the someone that happens to be more important than managing your ptsd?” Hux asks, suddenly realizing he’s become the therapist. Oh, well. For this kid, he might do anything for. He sees the blush on Ben’s face as a smile spreads across it. Hux instantly knows. “A girl?” hux awes, smiling himself. 

“The most gorgeous girl in the galaxy,” Ben says like the idiot in love he his. 

“Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me?” Hux laughs. 

“Because we’re not in a relationship,” Ben replies with a hint of sorrow. 

“So? I still want to hear. I didn’t know you were looking for someone,” Hux says. 

“I wasn’t. I had no intention or interest but then I ran into her and,” “And you fell head over heels?” Hux smiles. “I smacked the pavement so hard there’s an imprint,” Ben jokes. 

“Well I’m proud of you. When do I get to meet her and when are you going to make it a relationship?” Hux asks and Ben freezes. There’s the question he was dreading. He knew Hux would eventually ask that. He didn’t really want anyone knowing, yet.

“At least tell me her name,” Hux says seeing his reaction. 

“Rey,” Ben says softly. 

“That’s a beautiful name,” Hux responds as there’s a knock on the door. 

“It fits her,” he smiles, thinking to himself as Hux goes to answer the door. 

The rest of the night Ben slowly opens up more to Hux, telling him everything. He starts with Rey, of course, how he meet her and everything since then. He doesn’t directly tell him everything, in respect of Rey’s wishes, but he tells him there’s things that bothering him. He shares about the growing intensity of his dreams and the increase of hallucinations he’s had. He’s admitted to forgetting to take his meds and everything else revolving around self care he’s been neglecting. They’re up till almost 4 in the morning talking, cleaning and eating.


	7. The Night Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than the rest but the next chapter will be spread out over multiple parts. I wasn't planning on it being so long but it has gotten to that point.   
> Since this chapter is so short, I might post a little earlier. It just depends on my schedule. My company is basically picking up a second road commitment and i'm going home for a few days. Therefore, I might not have a lot of time to write. 
> 
> A heads up: the next chapter will contain abuse. Also, I am currently writing smut for this fic but i'm debating on whether or not to use it, keep it implied or none at all. Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy!

A few days later  
Rey hasn’t heard from Ben in a few days. She’s tried calling and texting him to no avail. To say he has her worried, is an understatement. What if he did something he’d regret, what if he got hurt, how is he, what if he’s ignoring her, what if, what if, what if? 

She thought about going over to his place but she can’t sneak away. Her husband has been keeping an even closer eye on her the last few days. She’s pretty sure he’s gone through her phone but he hasn’t said anything. If he did he would’ve saw the messages between Ben and herself. Not that they suggest anything more than a friendship but he wouldn’t take kindly to her having a male friend. He barely tolerates her female friends. She figures he’s waiting for the right time to throw it at her. 

It isn’t an affair. Just a friendship she hopes will turn into a relationship once everything with the divorce is done. Ok, maybe it is an affair in a way. No, cause they just hang out, like friends. They’re there for each other, like friends. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Yes, they sneak around but she has to do that with all her friends. It's nothing new or out of the ordinary. 

She’s going to tell him she wants a divorce sometime this week. She needs to let Ben know though. What if she needs his help, what happens if her husband doesn’t respond well (she knows he won’t,) what if she can’t fight back anymore, she doesn’t want to be left alone after it’s all said and done...her thoughts are interrupted by her phone going off. 

When she glances at her phone she sees Ben’s name scrawled across the screen. Without thinking she hides her phone from her husband. 

“Who’s calling so late?” Roman asks, rolling over to face Rey. 

“Just Phasma. I’m going to go call her back,” Rey responds getting out of bed and wandering downstairs. She ends up on the back porch as she redials Ben’s number. 

“Hey!” He responds in excitement. 

“Are you ok?” is the first thing she asks, barely skipping a beat. 

“Yes and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for Monday and I’m sorry for not answering. I had to get a few things sorted out. I owe you an explanation,” he responds and she senses the sorrow in his voice. 

“You don’t need to.” she replies. 

“No. I need to tell you, like you told me. I want you to know why I had...a breakdown,” he responds softly. 

“We all hit our breaking point sometimes. It happens to the best of us, so I don’t need an explanation. All I wanted to know was that you were ok,” she responds in a caring voice. 

“You don’t know the whole story, yet.” he responds and she feels her stomach knot. Is it good or bad? She hates that phrase because it never turns out good. What if he’s on the run or he’s committed murder? What if he isn’t who he says he is? Again with the what ifs. She can never escape them. It’s just her anxiety. She freaks out over everything and anything only to find it was really nothing. 

“Rey, are you there?” his voice says, bringing her back out of her thoughts. Life has fucked her up good. She was hoping meeting Ben would be the end of the fuckery. 

“Yeah, sorry. Listen, I have to get going but I need to tell you something.” she responds hastily, remembering her situation. Phasma wouldn’t want to talk for this long at this hour. 

“Shoot,” he responds. 

“I’m going to tell my husband tomorrow night. I was wondering if you could be on standby, please?” she asks, lowering her voice. 

“Of course. What do you need me to do?” he asks. 

“We’re having dinner at 7, at my house. If I don’t text you by 8 come check on me, please?” she says. She knows Roman won’t take the news well. It’s a matter of what he will or won’t do. It’s best if she has Ben stop by if something happens. A fail safe.

“Yes. I most certainly will. What about the kids?” Ben asks. 

“They’re going to spend tomorrow night with friends. I must be going.” Rey responds hastily again. She wants all night to stay up and talk to him but she knows she can’t. 

“Alright. Goodnight.” he responds, cheerfully. 

“Goodnight.” she responds, smiling like an idiot. 

As she crawls back into bed, Roman rolls over and drapes his arm over her. “Phasma was talkative tonight, hmm?” He asks, his voice making it sound like he’s interested. 

“I guess.” Rey laughs slightly, trying to hide the nerves. 

“Hmm, well I’m glad she finally decided to go to bed.” he says and she almost breathes a sigh of relief. He didn’t lead on to anything else. Either way she doesn’t get any sleep that night.


	8. Exercising Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a few days late. Last week was really busy at work so I couldn't edit it like I wanted/needed to. THIS CHAPTER WILL CONTAIN ABUSE, but I tried not to make it too graphic. There is a lot of swearing but what's new there.
> 
> This chapter also ends abruptly. Like I said, this chapter has gotten too long so I have to split it up. Next chapter will pick up right where this one ends, so don't expect anything special in between. 
> 
> Also, next chapter will be mostly smut. I decided I might as well. It wasn't planned but here we are. Plus, I already have most of it written so it'd be kinda dumb not to post it. You can skip it if you want. I tried to make it so if you didn't want to read it you can skip it without missing a lot of what little plot I have.
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with this and putting up with my shit!

The next night  
It’s almost 9:30 as Ben parks his car out front of Rey’s house. She hasn’t contacted him yet. His heart is racing as he approaches the door. Who knows what he’s about to see or do. He hopes nothing. If her husband has even remotely looked at her wrong t’ll probably set him off again and he’ll get arrested for assault or attempted murder. Her safety and welfare is all that matters. Who cares about a bitch who abuses her and what he does to set the guy right. 

“I want a divorce,” Rey chokes out, only after she’s buttered the announcement up. It takes a while for Roman to respond. She watches as his tongue traces the inside of his lips before taking a deep breath. A wicked smile forms on his face as he lets it out. 

“A divorce?” he asks, amused. 

“Yes. I’ve already gone through on the paperwork. You have to sign it,” Rey says softly, trying to sound confident. 

“What makes you think I want a divorce?” he asks. 

“It’s what I want. I don’t love you anymore and I can’t…” 

“Can’t what?” he asks, interrupting her. 

“I can’t take the abuse anymore!” she blurts out, struggling to hold back the tears. She can’t let him see her cry. He’ll jump all over the opportunity to tear her down again and make her change her mind. 

“I don’t mean it,” he responds, trying to sound sympathetic, his tone changing. 

“But if that were true, you would’ve stopped. You’ve lied to me over and over. You constantly play mind games and physically abuse me. I can’t take anymore and as the kids have gotten older they’ve started to see what’s going on. A 8 year old shouldn’t be asking me why dad hits mom. That being said, I’m also am getting a restraining order against you and I’m taking the kids,” she responds before his hand wraps around her throat. Her eyes meet his and she can see the anger and hate. They’re hardened by his rage and disapproval. There’s no love and understanding anymore and it’s been that way for years now. 

“I don’t care if you divorce me but you aren’t taking my fucking kids,” he growls, lifting her up from seat. 

“You don’t even try to spend time with or care for them, so why would you want custody of them?” she chokes out, her hands tearing at his. Fear courses through her but she knows she’s gotta stay defiant. This is what she wants, for her kids and for herself. 

“They’re still my kids,” he responds. 

“You didn’t carry them around nine months then push them out of you!” she whips and his grip tightens. 

“They’re still mine, just like you,” he says. 

“Let me down!” she chokes out as he lifts her off the ground. 

“You’re calling off the divorce, do you hear me?” He commands. 

“No I’m not!” she responds fighting against him. 

“I’m tired of you controlling and abusing me,” she says kicking him between the legs. 

“Fuck!” he yells, dropping her. Air fills her lungs as she scrambles away from him, but not before he grabs a fistful of her hair. She lets out a gasp as he yanks her to the ground. 

“Shit,” she groans, clutching her head, after it bounced off the floor. 

“I bet the real reason you want a divorce is because of that guy you’ve been seeing,” he spits out. 

“I haven’t been seeing anyone. Besides, if you can cheat on me why can’t I return the favor?” she replies. It’s not like she’s never tried to fight back. She just got tired of it and he’d always find a way to shut her up or muscle her down. This time she’s gotta keep going. 

“Don’t lie, I've seen your messages and call history,” he blurts out, getting to his feet again. 

“I knew you went through my phone!” she yells backing away from him. 

“Bitch, you think I didn’t know? Know that it was him that called you last night? That you’ve been sneaking around? I knew you were planning something or hiding something just by the way you acted. I didn’t even need to look through your phone for confirmation,” he responds as he catches her ankle and yanks her toward him. 

“Let go of me!” she yells trying to get away. Is it almost nine yet? Ben will be coming if so. Roman’s too strong to fight for a long time. 

“We’re not done yet. I know you asked him to come by if you didn’t contact him before nine,” he growls, yanking her by the shirt to sit up. 

“So what? I wanted him to check on me in case you decided to be an asshole like normal,” she responds and the back of his hand meets her face. 

“You made me the asshole!” he says, spitting daggers and pointing angrily at her. 

“I made you cheat on me? I made you choose to abuse me? You made those decisions yourself. You’re a completely different person than the man I married. I don’t love you anymore. I’m done. Not everything is my fault,” she responds, with her throat tightening and tears threatening to slip. He doesn’t respond as he slaps her again. Her face stings and her head is throbbing as she returns his glares. Then she feels the cool drop run down her face. 

“Tears? I thought Bitches don’t cry,” He mocks, a smile on his face again. 

“Only when they’re happy they’re leaving an asshole,” she says going to kick him in the balls again but this time he stops her. 

“Where’s your fucking phone? You’re going to tell him not to come,” he says as she tries to get out of his grasp, so much to the point her foot meets his face. He stumbles back in surprise and she quickly gets to her feet. 

“Fucking Bitch!” he responds starting after her. Her mind races to find someplace place to hide as she runs through the house. She’s almost to the bathroom when he catches her. 

“Let me go!” she yells and he shoves her into the wall. She lands hard on the ground as he towers over her. Suddenly, they hear the front door open and she breathes a sigh of relief when she hears Ben call her name. 

“Who the hell are you?” Roman asks approaching him. 

“I’m a friend. I take it you’re Roman,” Ben says, sizing the man up. Roman’s big but not as big as him. 

“Yes. And you can leave now. I’m having a peaceful conversation with my wife,” Roman responds seeing Ben looking him up and down like an animal about to strike. 

“Really? Cause it sounded like you were beating her again,” Ben replies, trying to sound suspicious but he says it with too much confidence. 

“And you would know?” Roman challenges. As much as she wants to be the bigger person in this, she isn’t about to stop Ben. Sometimes it’s nice to see karma get dished out. 

“It’s time for you to leave,” Roman hisses. 

“Not till I know she’s safe and well cared for,” Ben says. 

“She is,” Roman defends. 

“Not by you,” Ben spits and suddenly they’re going at. Taking on Roman is far too easy. He hasn’t had the training Ben has, and he’s about to use every bit of his knowledge. Ben’s too pissed off to care about honor and a fair fight, especially with this guy. 

Ben’s throwing hands left and right as Roman desperately tries to block them. When Ben has him against a wall he delivers a hard upper cut to his jaw, making Roman drop; adrenaline rushing through Ben’s body. It always feels great to let his anger out but this, this is sweeter. His breathing is slow and methodical. He’s like a wolf attacking his prey. The ref isn’t here to stop him. 

As he towers over Roman, ready to continue he hears Rey’s voice in his head. Through his haze of anger he stops and looks at her. She’s hurting and it makes the fire inside him grow. But there’s also a pleading, a pleading of not beating Roman to death. Hux is there, saying something as well, but Ben ignores him. He’s focused on Rey. Follow her wishes, don’t beat him till his dead. She wants to be the bigger person and honestly he should too. 

“Fuck!” Ben yells suddenly, dropping to the floor. Roman caught him slipping and kicked out his knee. Now he’s the prey and Roman is the aggressor. Ben’s better at defending himself though and soon he’s back on his feet. This time though he’s fighting both Roman and his knee. Every movement he makes, sends pain throughout his leg. 

“Roman, Stop!” Rey commands, nailing him over the back. Suddenly, everything comes to a halt as they all catch their breath. Reality quickly sets in for everyone. 

“You’re going to accept the divorce and you’re going to leave my house. You’ve had your fun but it’s done now. So get the fuck out,” Rey states, pointing towards the door. She’s thankful Ben showed up and is defending her but enough is enough. She enjoyed watching her husband getting a little of his own medicine but now she’s gotta stop it. That or someone is going to end up in the hospital. 

Roman has blood all over face and looks like he’s been in a car accident. Ben’s fighting his knee instead of bleeding everywhere. It’s a miracle her neighbors haven’t called the cops yet. Roman stands there in shock for a few moments, looking between him. 

“I said get out!” Rey yells again. 

“Alright,” Roman says before making his way to the door. 

“I hope he fucks you good, too,” Roman says in spite before closing the door behind him. 

“Fuck you, too,” they both reply simultaneously. 

“You’re hurt,” Ben says immediately after the door is shut. 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” she sighs in sadness and exhaustion. 

“I do and you’re bleeding,” he says with his thumb, gently wiping away the blood from her nose. He can see the tears in her eyes as he gazes at her, making his heart ache. He hates it when she’s upset and in pain because her smile is so beautiful. Anyone who makes that smile disappear is a jackass. 

“Can I take care of you?” he asks softly. 

“Only if you stay,” she responds. 

“Tonight or…” he starts to ask but he trails off. It’s better to leave that question unanswered right now. 

“Or. Let’s go with or,” she finishes, stepping even closer to him and his hand slides to her cheek. She can’t help but to nuzzle into it. Their hearts start racing as Ben puts his forehead on hers. Slowly, he leans in with his lips almost touching hers before he stops himself, his breath hitching. She can feel his breath against her mouth he’s so close. 

“Can I...can I kiss you?” he whispers as her arms wrap around him, his lip quivering slightly. He wants nothing more than to tell her everything about him and to learn everything about her. He wants to know her body like the back of his hand. She’s so beautiful, inside and out, that she tends to take his breath away. Truth be told, he wants her and nothing but her. 

“Depends,” she replies, with a smirk. 

“On what?” he asks as his hands now find her waist. 

“If you don’t stop yourself again,” she says. 

“Alright,” he smiles before leaning in again and pressing his lips softly to hers. It’s slow, cautious, and so tentative you’d think it’s his first kiss. His tongue doesn’t even leave his mouth. When he pulls away he can’t help but to apologize with a chuckle. 

“I’m sorry. I haven’t kissed anyone in a really long time,” he smiles, his face turning red. What else can he say? That he was also nervous as fuck? He’s supposed to play it cool, with confidence, like he knows what he’s doing. 

“I thought it was lovely,” she smiles before hugging him. He doesn’t waste any time in returning it. 

“You don’t have to flatter me, I know it sucked,” he laughs. 

“Stop. I liked it. Even though it wasn’t much, I actually felt something in it unlike when my soon to be ex-husbands kissed me,” she mumbles into his shirt. She can’t believe Ben Solo is nervous to kiss her as she breathes in his scent. He’s always a dork but he always seems confident, like he has his shit together. His shirt smells like a fresh meadow. That’s a type of detergent, right? 

“And what’d you feel?” he asks after a few moments. 

“Like you cared about me,” she says, her throat tightening. 

“I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” he responds, comforting her. She doesn’t respond as she lets a few tears slip. It has been a long time since she truly felt like those words were true. For once in her life she has someone she trusts and doesn’t have to question their love for her. 

“Thank you for coming tonight,” she mumbles, but he hears every word clearly. 

“Whatever you need, I’m there,” he responds picking her up. It’s like she weighs nothing to him, as she wraps her legs and arms around him. 

“Do you want a shower or bath? I think you need to be spoiled,” he smiles nudging her neck with his nose. 

“You better not leave me alone either,” she responds, wiping her eyes. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he responds doing it for her. “Not like that,” she says, trying to smile. 

“Oh, like leave you as join you. Got it,” he giggles, taking a few seconds to get it. She can’t help but smile at him. 

“There it is,” he says kissing her cheek. 

“Can we make out?” he whispers, moving down her neck. 

“Stop asking to kiss me,” she replies, basically melting at his touch. His lips are so soft. 

“I just want to make sure you’re ok with it,” he responds trying to spin her around but his knee gives out and they fall to the floor in a heap. 

“Are you ok?” is the first thing out of their mouths before they both break into laughter. They’re both fully aware that she landed in between his legs. Neither one dares to mention it though. 

“I might need some help up,” Ben responds pushing hair out of Rey’s face. 

“I think you need to ice your knee and stay off it,” she responds kissing him, almost as nervously as he kissed her. This time Ben isn’t as timid to kiss her though and when she pulls away he can’t help but to follow, wanting more. 

“It’ll be fine,” he smiles. 

“Don’t lie to me,” she replies, shifting herself so she’s straddling his waist now. 

“I’ll make it through don’t worry. I’m more worried about you than my knee,” he says softly, watching her intently as she repositioned herself. His heart beats faster as her butt rests against his cock. She might be the death of him. She knows full well what she did, too. It’s making him a nervous wreck and she’s enjoying it. It’s adorable to her. 

“And I’m more worried about you than me,” she laughs slightly. 

“Seems we’re at an impasse. Maybe you let me take care of you, then you don’t worry about my knee,” he replies, trying to calm himself. 

“That’s not how this works. You can take of me. Then I’ll take care of you,” she says. 

After a sigh he says “Alright. But only because you’re too pretty to argue with.” 

“Will you be ok for tomorrow?” she asks as she gets off him. 

“What’s tomorrow?” he lies, sitting up. Actually, he has a qualification match tomorrow but he’s not wanting to worry about it. 

“Friday. Don’t you have matches on Fridays?” she asks. 

“Oh yeah,” he laughs like he forgot. “Do you want to come?” 

“I thought I would, yes,” she replies helping him to his feet. Before she can protest he scoops her up in his arms. 

“Ben, you’re going to hurt yourself more!” she laughs in protest. 

“You first. Then me. You weigh fucking nothing,” he laughs, making his way to the stairs. At least taking care of her doesn’t make him nervous, he can’t help it though. 

“You still shouldn’t be carrying me,” she replies. 

“Maybe, but I want to,” he says. It takes him a few minutes to make it up the stairs, but he does it. He was more concerned about dropping her from being in pain than listening to her to set her down. She didn’t want to try to wiggle from him either because she didn’t want to injure him more. When he reaches the bathroom he finally puts her down. 

“See, just fine,” he smiles through gritted teeth. He’s too stubborn to admit he’s hurt. He’s always been like that, even when he was injured in the war. 

She just looks at him in amusement. She’s not dumb and she knows he isn’t admitting how much pain he’s in. His face and the breaths he took up the stairs says it all. 

“Don’t look at me like that!” he laughs defensively, closing the door. 

“I know you’re full of shit,” she smiles. 

“Yeah,” he sighs before kissing her. This time he isn’t as shy and opens his mouth more. That being said, he still doesn’t attempt to use his tongue, yet.

“Are you gonna start the shower?” she gets out before catching a breath. 

“Oh yeah. Of course,” he says stilling kissing her. 

“Ben!” she laughs. 

“Ok,” he smiles, finally pulling away. He can’t help but to kiss her again before pulling the curtain back and turning the knob on the shower. 

“Are you sure you still want me to join you?” Ben asks, pulling the curtain closed so water doesn’t get everywhere. 

As the water started streaming out of the faucet head, the thought of what they’re about to do hit them. Somehow, seeing each other naked,showering together and planning to make out doesn’t seem like something friends would do. 

“I think,” she says hesitantly. 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he swallows. It’s a moment before she responds. 

“You know I lied.” 

“About?” he asks in confusion, his head cocked to the side slightly. 

“I lied when I said I had no intention of falling in love with you when I met you,” she says and he takes in her words. What they thought about each other finally being able to be said. Friends don’t do this, lovers do. 

“Yeah, me too,” he smiles, his finger dragging over her cheek softly. 

“Bullshit,” she laughs, grabbing his hand and pulling it away from her face. 

“Ok. I did find you quite attractive,” he laughs in defeat. 

“I fell so fucking hard,” she says, his fingers interlacing with hers. Her hand basically disappears in his. 

“And you left an imprint in the cement, right?” he asks, thinking of how he described falling for her to Hux. 

“I went straight through it,” she chuckles. 

“Tell me about it,” he giggles in agreeance before kissing her again. This time he only kisses her once but he makes it slow and deep. 

“I don’t want you to leave me,” she whispers when he pulls away. 

“I don’t know what I’d do if I did,” he responds. Slowly, her hands move to the bottom of shirt and she grips it lightly. Then she begins to pull it up, revealing his stomach. Holy fuck this is happening, the butterflies in their stomachs screaming. Without thinking, he helps her slip it up over his head. He drops his shirt on the floor as her hand runs down his chest and abs. 

“Shit you look good up close,” she mumbles. 

“And what? I look like shit from a distance?” he jokes. 

“Hell no. It’s like a 4k movie. You see the blu-ray and then you see the 4k. Then you never wanna go back,” she says, memorized by how toned and defined his body is. He’s built for strength and endurance. 

“Jesus Christ,” he laughs. 

“Don’t laugh,” she says defensively. 

“Well you just described my body as a 4K movie. I’m going to laugh,” he says. 

“That’s because it is. Have you looked at yourself?” she say trying to make her point. 

“Everyday,” he says smugly. 

“Shut up!” she laughs punching him playfully. 

“Ow,” he says playing with her as he recoils from her punch. 

“Oh please,” she rolls her eyes. 

“Alright,” he says putting his hands up in defeat. “Can I take your shirt off now?” 

“I don’t have glowing abs,” she warns. 

“Your body is fucking beautiful and I don’t care if you have flab or glowing abs,” he says seriously, his eyes searching hers. He isn’t lying. “He might have lied to you but I don’t and won’t. I fucking mean that shit.” She doesn’t say anything as her eyes cast down. “I’m not going to treat you like he did. I have morals and an understanding of how people should be treated. You deserve to be treated with nothing but love and respect. You honestly deserve the world and I intend to try to give it to you,” he says taking her hands again and kissing them. “Got it?” 

“Why are you like this? Why do you care so much about me? I don’t deserve anything,” she replies. 

“You see that’s where you’re wrong and everyone else that came before me is a dick for making you feel that way. You’re literally everything to me and I want to show you how you should really be treated,” he says pulling her into a hug. She can’t help but to sigh feeling his lips on her skin. Maybe he’s right. Maybe he actually means it. If anything is for sure, he’s nothing like any man she’s met before. Everything feels right with him. 

“Can I do that?” he asks softly, his lips placing gentle kisses behind her ear. 

“Yes,” she says. 

“I’m glad,” he says softly, looking at her again. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of it. 

Slowly, he takes off her clothes, making sure she’s comfortable with it. As a gentleman though, he doesn’t dare look at anything. 

“You can look Ben,” she giggles seeing his uneasiness and his eyes darting around. 

“I know,” he smiles. 

“You don’t have to be proper all the time around me,” she says with her fingers undoing his belt. 

“I don’t know what you’re referring to because normally I’m not,” he laughs. 

“That is true but if you’re not going to look then I’m not going to look,” she says pushing his pants down but continuing looking at his face. 

“Ok,” he says stealing a kiss, before pulling the curtain back. 

“M’lady” he jokes gesturing for her to step in first. 

“Why thank you good sir,” she laughs stepping into the shower, using his hand for assistance. She doesn’t dare let go of it, even as he gets in and closes the curtain behind them. 

As the water soaks into their skin, Ben places soft kisses on her forehead. It isn’t long before she has her arms wrapped around him and her face buried in his chest. He holds her tight while kissing her head softly. When he hears her sniffle, he can’t help but try to wrap himself around her. Fuck. He knows he’s said it before, but god does he hate it when she’s upset. 

“I got you,” he whispers, trying to calm her. Just like any situation, sometimes the adrenaline has to wear off before the effects take place. Sometimes, the wound is bigger than originally thought. He doesn’t say anything for the longest time as she lets it out. Instead, he lets his actions show. 

“You know it might be rash or too early to say, but I do love you,” he says softly, running his fingers through her hair. 

“You do?” she sniffles looking at him. 

“Without a doubt,” he smiles before kissing her nose. “And I know you told me earlier that you didn’t plan on falling for me, but I feel like I should tell you I love you and that you mean everything to me. I’m so thankful I found you and that I’m here with you right now,” he rambles, telling her his feelings and trying to make her feel better. 

“I’m glad you’re here too. I do love you too,” she smiles as another tear slips down her face. The water washes it away before her hand can. 

“Can I wash your hair?” she asks changing the subject and grabbing the soap. 

“Yes,” he laughs as she squirts a bit of soap in her hand. 

“You gotta bend down. I can’t reach that high,” she laughs before sniffing again. 

“I’m not that tall,” he jokes, knowing he is that tall. 

“You like to joke, don’t you?” she says starting to lather the soap into his hair. Even wet and with soap in it, his hair is really fluffy and soft. 

“What do you use in your hair? Jesus,” she says in amazement. 

“It’s not Jesus,” he laughs. 

“You know what I mean,” she giggles. 

“I just use dove but I also do basic hair care. Yes, I like my long hair. No, I’m not going to lose these luscious locks,” he says trying to sound dramatic. 

“Stop it!” she laughs, sliding her hands around his jaw bones to cup his face in her small hands. “I like the beard you got going, too,” she says rubbing the soap into the hair on his face too. 

“I know, I haven’t shaved in a few days. I figured I’d give the mustache and beard look a try,” he says blowing the soap at her. Giggles fill the room as she tries to dodge them. 

“Don’t kiss me with soap on your mouth!” she howls trying to break free of his grip. 

“It doesn’t even taste bad,” he smirks. 

“Not chancing it,” she says, pushing his face away. 

“Ok. Ok. You win,” he says letting her go and turning to wash his face off. When he turns back around she pulls him to her height and presses her lips to his. 

“I like you better without soap,” she sighs pulling away and pressing her forehead to his. He can’t help but to lick his lips before swallowing hard. Slowly, her hands slide up his body, feeling every edge, till they’re entangled in his hair. Her hands knead gently at it, rinsing the soap out of it. 

“Ben,” she sighs feeling his large hands rub her hips in a massaging motion. His lips leave little kisses on her neck. 

“My turn,” he mumbles against her skin. She doesn’t argue as he lets her go and grabs the soap. He’s gentle as he rubs it slowly into her hair. Then he takes his time to help rinse it out, his fingers playing with her long hair. 

After that he finds the body wash and squirts a glob of it into the loofah. Her body can’t help but to relax into his touch as he scrubs her body. Little moans escape her mouth as he presses the loofah harder into her sore areas. Then he starts to place small kisses all over her. He’ll kiss across her collarbone before washing it, then moving on to the next body part. 

“You had a c-section?” he asks seeing the scar on her belly, his fingers dancing over it. 

“Yes. For all three of my kids,” she says. 

“Would you want one more?” he almost asks but instead he says “You’re such a good mother, and your kids clearly got their beauty from their mom.” 

“Did you ever want kids?” she asks and he gets back up to his feet. 

“At least one,” he says turning the question over in his mind. 

“You know those kids love you,” she says. 

“I’d hope so, because I love them, too,” he says moving the hair out of her face. 

“They were worried about you the other day,” she says. 

“I know and I’m sorry. When the time is right I’d like to explain,” he says with his hands sliding down her arms and then taking her hands. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” she says. 

“I’ve been waiting to tell you at the right time. I know you’ve been busy lately so I’ve been waiting,” he smiles kissing her forehead. 

“You can tell me anything at any time. You don’t have to wait,” she responds. 

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he sighs kissing her.


	9. A Cleansing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's this...
> 
> It literally picks up right where I cut off the last chapter, so there's a very short dialogue pertaining to last chapter. Sorry about that. I didn't realize I did it till a few days ago. Honestly, it's like a one or two word response but it bothers me. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy, i'm not that great at writing smut!

His tongue slowly traces her lip before she lets it dip into her mouth, her tongue meeting his. 

“Ok,” she mumbles letting his hands go and wrapping her arms around the back of his neck. His hands land on her hips again and pull her closer to his body. 

As their kiss deepens it becomes slower and more passionate. Rey doesn’t know if it’s the water or them making the kiss wet but either way she doesn’t care. Ben’s hands can’t help but slide, slowly, to Rey’s ass. When she feels Ben squeeze it lightly she can’t hold back the small moan. His hands are rough but feel like silk on her body. 

“Is this ok?” he asks taking a breath. 

“I’ll let you know if it’s not,” she says hungrily, pulling him back to her. Her fingers run through his hair as they stand under the water, making out. 

Soon her leg starts to wrap around Ben’s and his hand slides down her body, grabbing her thigh. He brings it up against him before doing the same with her other leg, lifting her off the ground. Her legs wrap around his waist as he leans her against the wall. His hands rub her thighs and his hips involuntarily thrust against hers. She immediately notices something she hasn’t yet. 

“Ben,” she says, with a slight chuckle. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” “

That’s not what I mean,” she laughs and they break the kiss. 

“I don’t understand,” he replies in confusion and she just raises her eyebrows at him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks setting her down. As he does he realizes he’s got a hard on. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry,” he says in embarrassment. 

Rey laughs as she sees his face and ears flush red, his hands covering his crotch. 

“I didn’t mean to get hard,” he says in horror, his other hand hiding his face. 

“Ben, it’s fine,” she laughs, moving his hand away from his face. 

“I need to stop for a moment,” he says, still mortified. 

“Ben,” she laughs as he gets out of the shower. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize. It’s not right,” he says as she turns off the shower. 

“What wasn’t right? We were making out in the shower,” she giggles. She finds this amusing and cute. It’s natural and it happens. You can't blame him for being happy.

“I shouldn’t have gotten hard. I thought you said you weren’t looking,” he says snatching a towel off the rack, keeping his back to her. 

“It’s hard not to look once you feel something that hard and big against you,” she laughs as he tries to hide himself under the towel. She wasn’t trying to look but once she felt it she couldn’t resist to steal a peak. It’s easily the most beautiful dick she’s ever seen, considering it’s a dick. 

“I’m not that big,” he says defensively. 

“Your length a little longer than average and you’re fucking thick,” she says putting a hand on his shoulder. Even his back and neck are red. 

“I get it. I have this huge awkward body. Big ears, big feet and hands. I have a weird walk and face. I’m not built like a normal man. It’s only fitting my dick would be unnatural, too,” he says, looking over his shoulder at her. His eyes are soft and sad. 

“I think it’s beautiful,” she says softly now, realizing just how uncomfortable he is. 

He just admitted an insecurity to her and she can’t help but to wonder how many people have hurt him, both physically and mentally. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t exactly been naked in front of someone in a long time. (Hux doesn’t count.) So having someone that he loves, but can’t have yet, actually see him hard is more than embarrassing. He’s mortified. 

Granted, he was loving every second of that shower, he shouldn’t have gotten hard. They can’t, not till after the divorce. Now he’s standing here, flushed red from head to toe, because he couldn’t control his excitement. 

“I’ve never been so uncomfortable getting a hard on,” he laughs slightly. 

“I’m sorry for laughing. I just thought it was cute how embarrassed you were getting. I honestly don’t mind. It’s natural and it happens,” she says wrapping her arms around him from behind. 

“I wasn’t upset that you were laughing, so don’t apologize. I’m just...embarrassed. I shouldn’t have gotten so excited,” he sighs. 

“It’s ok to get excited. I’d be upset if you didn’t,” she says. 

“Would you?” he asks. 

“Very. I want to see how happy you are to see me,” she replies and a smile forms across his face. 

“I’m always happy to see you,” he replies putting his free hand over hers, making hers disappear. His thumb rubs across it gently before his hand drops. 

“Can I show you something?” she asks. 

“Of course,” he replies. 

“I need your hand,” she warns. He looks at her in curiosity as he faces her, not wanting to drop the towel still. As he offers it to her she takes it gently. He watches intently as she leads it to between her legs. 

“Are you ok with this?” she asks before moving farther. He shakes his head yes as his mouth practically waters. 

God he’s wanted this. He should tell her to wait till everything with the divorce is finalized but if she wants it now as well, who cares. It’s not like they were fucking in secret while her husband and her were married. It’s during the divorce that has paperwork finalized. As far as anyone is concerned right now, they’re still just friends. They’ll keep this their dirty little secret. 

Then she puts his hand right over her vagina, his finger tips at her opening. They immediately run through her folds in curiosity. Fuck she’s wet. 

“That’s not from the shower,” she says seductively. 

“Do you want to have sex?” slips out of his mouth before he can stop it. 

She’s taken by surprise by his question. I mean his fingers are currently running through her folds, after she led his hand there. She thought the hint was straight forward but she also knows he’s just being polite. He’s not going to make her do something she doesn’t want or isn’t ready for. 

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop myself. I lied when I said I didn’t look too. I stole glances like a bitch and you’re so fucking wet,” he says guiltily, trying to look ashamed. 

‘Why are you like this,’ she laughs to herself. She can handle and appreciate his honesty though. He’s blunt as well, but in a way that’s funny, which is nice. 

“I was going to wait to ask till after the divorce, to ask if you wanted our “friendship” to be more, but I don’t think I can wait any longer,” she smiles. 

“More as in a relationship, more?” he asks. 

“Yes,” she says and he can’t help but to smile, probably the biggest smile she’s ever seen from him. 

“With sex, right?” he asks jokingly, after a few moments. 

“No, never,” she laughs as they kiss. 

“God I fucking love you,” he chuckles, pulling away and pressing his forehead to hers. His head rubs softly against hers as they laugh. 

“We’ll keep it our secret, Ok?” She says softly as their laughter dies out. 

“Of course. I don’t want to fuck anything up,” he replies. 

“Thank you,” she whispers putting her hand on the back of his neck. Her fingers massage it softly as he touches his nose to hers. The silence grows as they take in the others presence. Then suddenly he’s picking her up and putting her over his shoulder. 

“Ben!” She laughs in surprise. 

“On the bed, yes?” he asks, walking briskly to the bedroom. He can only move so fast with one leg. 

“Where ever will do,” she responds. Where ever they fuck will do just as long as they’re together. 

She’s never done intimacy well but he is all she wants. She wants to get to know every aspect of Ben Solo. The good. The bad. Personally and physically. The list goes on. The setting doesn’t have to be perfect as long as he’s in her company and they’re enjoying it. Honestly, having sex is just a plus. If he just wanted to sit there and stare at her, that’d be wonderful too. The best part though? She knows he wants the exact same thing. She can feel it and see it. 

“I want you to be comfy,” he says. 

“You’re here. That’s all I need to be comfortable,” she responds. 

“Me too,” he smiles setting her down on the edge of the bed. Then his lips find hers. The kiss is full of fire and each one makes them hungrier. 

His hands slowly guide her body as he lays her down. His body leans over hers as he continues to stand on the floor. She can’t help but to pull him closer so he’s pressed against her. 

A soft moan fills the room as he grinds his cock slowly against her clit and folds. Her head tips back and her back arches off the bed, feeling him grind against her. 

“Fuck,” she breaths as his lips move down her neck then under her chin, against her throat. His hands caress her breasts before his arms wrap around her torso. Meanwhile, he continues to kiss farther down her body. 

He chuckles slightly as his eyes meet hers. She watches intently as he licks his lips and takes one of her nipples in his mouth. He doesn’t break eye contact as he sucks on it. 

“Ben,” she moans softly. 

His tongue runs around the soft flesh before releasing it, making a popping sound. The air around her now saliva covered breast is cool, making her skin perk. 

Suddenly, he’s moving farther down her body. A fucking tease. 

“Forgive me, but I haven’t had sex in a long time. So, I’m going to apologize right now for how shitty this may or may not be,” he mumbles against her stomach, leaving wet kisses on it. 

“I’m not complaining. I haven’t had sex in long while either,” she says feeling his hands slide down her body. 

“We’re both out of practice then”, he smiles slowly sliding off her. Now he’s kneeling at the edge of bed with her legs draped over his shoulders. His hands now sliding up to grasp her thighs. To her surprise, he almost looks likes her height. 

“I guess so,” she replies feeling his tongue flick against her clit. “Shit, Ben!” she moans in surprise, sitting up and grabbing his hair. 

“Lay down,” he mumbles between her legs, his hand pushing her stomach gently. 

“Tonight’s about you, so if you don’t like something or you want something else just say so,” he says before his tongue starts exploring her folds. 

“Alright,” she breaths without thinking. She isn’t even going to question his methods as she lays back down. 

His tongue slides effortlessly up and and down her folds, like it’s the thousandth time he’s been between her legs. He stays away from her clit waiting till the right moment. It’s a little bit of teasing but he wants to take his time. Either way what he’s doing is earning him plenty of moans of approval. 

Then he lets his tongue circle her clit before sucking on it. Her hand pulls at his hair as she grinds herself on his face. His hands slide down to her hips and pulls her closer to him. 

“Fuck!” she moans. 

“I’m gonna make you cum,” he says looking up at her. 

“Then don’t stop,” she says pushing his head back down. 

He chuckles at how needy she is right now. He could probably ask her to kill someone for him and she’d probably agree to it. Finally, she isn’t arguing about him taking care of her. 

Without warning, he releases her and his hand caresses her thigh. His hot breath coats the inside of her thigh as she watches. Then his lips place soft kisses against her skin before sucking on her skin softly. 

“Ben!” She exclaims. “That’s going to chafe!” 

“It’s not that bad,” he smirks playfully, as his hand slowly moves closer to her ass. 

”You’re an ass,” she smiles to herself and he just chuckles in response. She watches as he bites his lip. His attention is directed towards his fingers exploring her folds. 

“Shit,” Rey says propping herself up on her elbows. 

“God you’re wet,” he breathes before his fingers find her opening. He watches her closely as he slowly pushes one finger inside her; watching for signs that she doesn’t like it. Fuck, she’s tight. After a few moments he relaxes, seeing she’s enjoying it. 

Slowly, he moves his finger in and out of her before slipping in a second. They curl against her insides as he pushes them in and out of her. He can’t wait to get inside of her, she feels good. 

After a few minutes he stops pumping his fingers and massages her walls, pressing his fingertips harder against her. 

“One more” she encourages as her hips buck slightly. Her hands run through her hair as she’s starting to become overwhelmed by the pleasure. 

He does what she asks and slips a third digit inside her. As he does he starts pushing his fingers again, this time trying to reach deeper. 

Honestly, she’s not sure how he’s going to fit but they’ll figure it out. His dick is bigger than she’s used to, a lot bigger. His eyes scan over her body hungrily as his head dips between her thighs again. 

“God damn,” Rey moans feeling his hot breath against against her clit, then his tongue. 

“Cum for me,” he mumbles, his other hand wrapping around his cock. He can see and sense how close she is. His fingers thrust faster as he barely pulls them out. 

“Shit,” he smiles briefly, pumping his cock, with his tongue stimulating her clit. 

“Oh my god!” she moans repeatedly before allowing herself to succumb to his fingers. “Fuck!” she says grabbing a handful of his hair and squeezing his head between her thighs. Her back arches off the bed and her toes curl as he continues. 

Ben tastes her as he backs off, riding the wave with her. 

Slowly, he pulls out his fingers and let’s go of his cock. As he looks up at her, he licks his lips seductively before crawling back on top of her. 

“You taste amazing!” he says huskily before kissing her. She’s still focused on trying to calm down that she barely returns it. 

“Fucker,” she mumbles around his tongue as he grinds his hips against hers. 

“For not doing it for awhile you haven’t lost your touch,” she says. 

“I could do better,” he says cockily. “You ready?” he asks as she feels his hand gently sliding up her body. It stops at her breast before caressing it and then teasing her nipple. 

“To take you? I hope so,” she smiles, enjoying the attention to her nipple. 

“I’m not that big,” he laughs standing up. 

“Ben, You’re,” she laughs gesturing to his size. “I’m going to have to adjust,” she smiles. 

“Most certainly. We’ll go as slow as you want,” he says helping her sit up, his lips finding her skin again when he does. 

“I want you,” she whispers pressing her forehead to his. 

“I want you too,” he replies softly. “Do you have lube or a condom? I didn’t plan on this happening?” he chuckles stealing a kiss. 

“I have lube,” she says. 

“Then I guess I’ll pull out,” he replies. 

“Yeah sorry. I don’t have condoms,” she laughs. 

“Are you ok with me not using one?” he ask in a worried tone. 

“Ben, stop asking questions. I’m ok with anything you want to do,” she giggles grabbing his face. 

“It’s more about you than me,” he smiles kissing her quickly again. When he tries to pull away her hands guide him back to her lips, before sliding into his hair. 

“Rey,” he mumbles around their tongues. 

“Shh. No more talking,” she says putting her finger between their lips, stopping him. 

“Otay!” he whines playfully before sucking her finger in his mouth. She can’t help but to giggle as she pulls it out of his mouth. 

Her fingers dance across his stomach as she stands up as well. His skin perks in excitement as her hand slides lower down his body. He swallows as he watches her and his breath hitches as her fingers wrap around his dick. 

A moan escapes his mouth as her hand glides up and down, effortlessly. It feels so much better than his own. There’s a difference between imagining it and having it happen. Her hand feels softer than normal. 

When it reaches his tip, her thumb flicks over it, before moving down his cock again. Pre-cum oozes out of his slit, making it easy for her hand to move. 

“I don’t think we’ll need lube” she whispers pulling his head down to hers. 

“Whatever you want,” he breaths before kissing her, his tongue meeting hers. His hand slides around her waist pulling her closer. He can’t help but buck his hips when her pace quickens. 

“Fuck, Rey!” he moans, breaking the kiss. Instead her lips find the nape of his neck, leaving soft, wet kisses on it. Then she slowly moves down his body, leaving a trail. 

His hands let go of her as she ends up on her knees In front of him. His mind starts racing as her tongue teases his tip. It traces around it slowly before licking at his underside. 

Then she slowly takes him into her mouth. He watches in amazement as his fingers comb through her hair. Surprisingly, she can take him almost to his base. 

His moans fill the air as she pulls off of him, to where his tip is barely in her mouth before closing around him again. Again, his hips involuntarily buck but it doesn’t seem to stop her. 

She keeps her pace nice and slow to tease him. He went a little faster with her but she’s going to play with him. 

Her hand now pumps at his base as she releases him with a pop. Her other hand grips his thigh softly. All of a sudden though he feels her lips on the inside of his thigh, sucking the skin into her mouth. 

“Rey!” he exclaims in shock, looking down at her. It’s a good few seconds before she releases his skin. 

“Payback,” she chimes licking over it. 

“That’s going to be worse than the one I gave you,” he laughs. 

“Maybe so,” she smirks devilishly turning her attention back to his cock. She takes him into her mouth again but when she pulls off she releases him. Then she’s working her way, back up his body. 

When she comes to a standing point his hands grab ahold of her hips. 

“Want another?” she asks kissing him on the lips. 

“Hmm,” he responds, his teeth catching her bottom lip as she pulls away again. He pulls her body flush against his and grinds his dick against her slowly, missing the friction her hand gave it. A soft sigh escapes his mouth as he feels her lips trailing down his neck. 

“Rey,” he breaths as she sucks on the skin along his collarbone. She releases him when she feels his lips against her ear. His teeth nip at the top of her ear before he picks her up. 

A burst of pain shoots through his leg but he brushes it off. Before Rey can say anything about it he places his lips on hers. He keeps it slow and deep as he sits down on the edge of the bed. 

His hands knead at her ass as she straddles his lap. Then his lips start down her neck again. Her head tips down as she reaches down and grasps his cock. 

A shudder shoots through their bodies as she rubs his tip through her folds before placing it at her opening. 

“Are you sure?” he whispers so softly that she barely hears it. 

“I’ve never been so sure,” she responds pressing her forehead to his. 

“Ok,” he blushes. 

Slowly, she takes him in. 

“Holy shit!” she breaths feeling him stretching her, a long moan escaping her mouth. Fingering her definitely helped but god is he big. Her eyes squeeze shut and her jaw clenches as she adjusts to him. She presses her forehead harder against his as he watches her reaction. 

“Fuck!” he moans feeling her walls close around his length. He tries to hide the tremble in his hands as he watches himself disappear inside her. Both are in disbelief this is happening. 

After what seems like hours but is merely a few seconds she’s taken him all the way. Her eyes open to see Ben’s eyes, glazed over in pleasure. She wonders if hers look the same. 

For a moment they sit there as one, taking the situation in and sharing breaths. 

“You ok?” he asks, knowing she’s hurting. 

She nods her head before her hands brace herself on his shoulders to rise off of him slowly. His lips chase after hers as she falls back down on him. He can’t help but to breath in her moans as she gently moves herself on him. His hands guide her as she does. 

“God you’re huge,” she giggles, letting out a breath as she stops for a moment. 

“I know,” he smiles, cupping her face in his hand. For a second they share a kiss, then she’s moving on him again. 

His hand slides down her neck and collarbone only to stop at her breast. Her skin is so soft. His thumb rubs gently at her nipple as she starts moving a little faster. It’s hardened at her arousal. He can’t seem to get enough of her boobs. 

Now, she’s finally getting use to him. It hurt at first, having him stretch her even farther, but now it’s slowly turning into pleasure. A smile forms on her face as his lips kiss her skin, working down to her shoulder. 

She leans back slightly to brace herself with her hand against his muscular thigh. She relaxes her other against his shoulders, her hand at the base of his neck. 

As she moves he can’t help but brace himself against the bed with his other arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer. 

“Like that,” he moans as she moves against him, her hips grinding into his. 

“Yeah?” She taunts, moving faster on him. His cock slides easily in and out of her. 

“Oh yeah,” he sighs catching her lips. Then he’s guiding her body, pulling her closer to him. Her moans fill the room as she rides him. 

His lips trace along her shoulders and chest as he brings her hand up to his waist now. Both his hands help guide her hips, helping her rise and fall on him. 

The head of his cock presses hard against her cervix but she hardly notices it now. She’s so wet she can feel it on his thighs as her ass slaps against them. 

Uncontrollably, her head tips back allowing him access to her neck. His tongue drags up it, tasting her sweat, as she slows her tempo down. 

Then he sucks playfully at her skin, right below her jaw line. She’s too in the moment to give a shit if it’s visible or not. 

Suddenly, her hands are on his chest as she shoves him onto his back. The cold sheets surround him as he lays there, taking in her beauty. 

As she leans over him he pushes the hair out of her face and behind her ears. All the while making sure he doesn’t slip out of her. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he smiles, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“I love your ears,” she giggles moving his hair to expose one. 

“First my dick then my ears? Maybe you have a size kink,” he laughs propping himself up on his elbows to kiss her. 

“And your hands and pecs and feet and maybe you’re right,” she laughs. 

“What can I say. I’m the total package,” he replies. 

“Yes you are. Sex with you is fun,” she says seductively, rotating her hips teasingly. 

“Good,” he says letting out a breath. He doesn’t think, as a matter of fact he knows, he’s never had sex this good. 

Her hands shove him back down onto the sheets as she sits back up. She pushes her hair out of her face before bracing herself on his stomach. Then she starts to ride him again. 

She pulls up off of him to where his tip barely stays inside of her before taking him to his base again. He bites his lip as he watches his dick disappear inside of her. His hands knead at her butt, before moving to her thighs. 

“Ass,” she moans as her hand moves one of his back to her ass. She can’t help but guide his hand to knead at it in rhythm with her hips. 

Soon she starts to slow down and her rhythm becomes unsteady. Without thinking he thrusts his hips. 

“Ben,” she sighs as she stops moving, letting go of his hand. 

“Rey,” he smiles shifting himself so it’s easier to thrust up into her. 

“Fuck!” he grunts, picking up his pace. Unlike her tempo, he keeps his thrusts short and fast. He’s barely pulling out before thrusting back into her. She’s so tight and her walls feel amazing around him. Oddly enough, he fits her perfectly. 

“Like that!” she moans as she leans farther over him. 

Now her face is inches away from his, their eyes meeting briefly, before hers wander down his body. Her arm now braces herself on the bed, her fingers curling around the sheets next to his head. 

“You feel so good,” he responds feeling her thumb flick at his hard nipple. A shiver moves through his body and he immediately wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. 

It surprises her as she tries to catch herself, her hand landing on his bicep. 

“God, fuck!” she replies as he pulls her up farther on him. His lips catch one of her breasts as he slips out of her. 

“Shit, I love your boobs,” he moans sucking on one, as his hand comes up to cup it. 

“I noticed,” she moans as he squeezes it in rhythm with his mouth. 

She tries to reach back for his cock before he releases her. Before her fingers wrap around it he’s moving them farther up on the bed. 

“Sorry, I needed to move away from the edge,” he says as they both reposition themselves. 

“You’re fine,” she laughs grabbing his cock. Her hand gives it a few pumps before sinking back down onto it. 

He brings his legs up behind her so his knees are now sticking up in the air. Both of her hands brace herself on his thighs as she leans back slightly. His hand also finds her thigh but his other hand lands on her stomach. 

As she moves on him again it moves farther down till his thumb finds her clit. The second he touches it she whimpers as her body jumps. 

“Oh, fuck!” she moans, picking up her tempo, as his thumb plays with her clit. 

Slowly he rubs his thumb up and down, applying pressure to it. His eyes dart back and forth from his hand, to watching her boobs bounce, to watching her face contort in pleasure. He lets out a moan at the sight of it, his breathing heavy. 

Then her hand flies to his, taking it off her clit. Her fingers interlace with his as she grabs his other hand, doing the same thing. 

“I’m going to cum if you don’t stop,” she breaths, pinning his arms above his head. 

“I want you to cum,” he chuckles as he kisses her, slowly with passion. 

“I don’t want to cum, yet,” she smiles around his tongue. He doesn’t respond knowing what she means. He pulled her off his cock earlier for a reason. 

“I had to stop you earlier, too, otherwise I would’ve,” he laughs pulling away. “You feel too good.” 

“It feels amazing” she clarifies. He hums in agreement as he pushes his hips gently. She lets his hands go as she props herself up next to his head. His hands cup her ass as he helps her move, this time slower. 

“Oh Ben,” she moans as they move in unison. 

“Like this?” he breathes, looking up at her. 

“Like this,” she agrees, looking down at him. 

Soon they have their lips pressed against each other’s. His hand slides up her back while her fingers play with his hair. They share moans as they get caught in pleasure. 

After a bit he takes over. He thrusts up into her a little faster as his arms wrap around her body. Their kiss matches his speed as his hips fall into a steady pace. Her hand grabs a fistful of his hair and pulls at it lightly. He can feel himself growing closer with every thrust and he knows she’s getting close, too. 

Then he rolls them over so he’s on top. He pulls her as close as possible to him as he keeps his arms wrapped firmly around her. His face nuzzles into her neck, and she snuggles up closer to him; her arms wrapping tighter around him. He tucks his good knee up against her while stretching out his other one. His hips thrust gently now, to where he’s barely moving himself inside her. 

“I’m close,” he mumbles against her skin. Holding on is starting to become hard and harder. 

“Me too,” she responds, her hands grabbing at his skin. He doesn’t want her to ever let go of him or to ever let go of her. 

Taking his time, he moves his legs so he’s better positioned between her legs. His thrusts become harder as he snaps his hips against hers. He doesn’t push faster, though. Each thrust pulls a louder moan from her lips, as her hand pulls at his hair again. 

“Faster,” she moans as her head tips back. 

His hand helps guide her leg to wrap around his lower back, her foot pushing against his butt. Then he wraps his arms under hers and grabs her shoulders, making it easier to move inside her and to hit her sweet spot. Her other legs wraps loosely around his as he starts to push faster. He lets the momentum build till his hips are pounding hard and fast into hers. 

“Ahh fuck!” he moans against her neck, feeling her walls start to clench around his cock. 

“Oh, Ben!” she moans in response as she feels herself start to be pushed over the edge. 

“Cum for me, Rey,” he grunts bucking his hips, his rhythm becoming unsteady. 

“Oh, Fuck!” she exclaims as she clenches hard around him. Her whole body is overcome in pleasure as she tenses up, her arms and legs wrapping farther around him. He’s still thrusting into her as she cums hard. 

He can feel her fingers tearing at his skin and hair; her legs pressing firmly against him. His cock pulses as he struggles to break her grip. 

“Rey, i’m gonna…oh fuck!” he moans pulling out right before ropes of cum shoot out of his tip and onto her stomach. 

“Fuck!” they moan in unison. His hand strokes his cock as he cums. The white liquid feels cold against her skin. 

“Ben,” she breaths as he thrusts his hips against the air, both of them slowly coming back to reality. Already, she misses him inside her. Her hand replaces the one around his cock as she pumps it lazily. 

“Holy fuck, Rey,” he pants leaning over her. She lets go of his dick before interlacing her fingers with his. Their hearts beat rapidly and their hot breath coats each others skin as they press their foreheads together. 

He squeezes her hand lightly as a smile spreads across his face. She can’t hold hers back either before they’re both laughing softly. Then their lips are pressed together, in a wet and passionate kiss. 

“That was,” 

“Amazing,” she finishes his sentence as they pull away. 

“Are you ok?” he asks, relaxing his hips against hers. 

“More than ok,” she says kissing him again. 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks in concern. 

“No. You felt like a missing puzzle piece was finally put in its place,” she smiles. 

“That’s an interesting way to put it,” he laughs. 

“Oh dear god! Can you just take a compliment?” she giggles grabbing his face. 

“Depends on who I’m with,” he replies. 

“So you’re being a tease?” she asks, clarifying. 

“I try to flirt anywhere I can with you,” he smiles. She doesn’t reply as she sighs in content. This was or is right. There’s no question that he came into her life for a reason. After everything is finished with the divorce it’ll be time for a fresh start, one she hopes Ben will be apart of. 

“I’m going to get a towel to clean you up,” he says kissing her quickly. Then he’s rolling off her and standing to his feet. 

“You don’t need to,” she says trying to sound seductive as she props herself up on her elbows. 

“No I do. I feel wrong cumming on you and then just leaving it,” he replies walking into the bathroom to grab a towel. She chuckles rolling her eyes. Obviously he doesn’t know when she’s trying to flirt, yet. 

“You know there are more ways to clean me up, right?” she asks as he re-emerges from the bathroom. 

“Meaning?” he asks in visible confusion. 

“How long has it been since you had sex?” she laughs, dropping it. He clearly doesn’t understand what she’s suggesting. 

“Years. Why?” he asks. 

“I can tell. The sex portion was great but you‘re struggling on what I’m suggesting,” she laughs as he kneels on the bed. For a moment he’s silent and then she sees the wheels start turning in his head. 

“Ohhhhh I get it. You’re right. I’m a little slow understanding hints sometimes,” he laughs tossing the towel. 

“I was like what the fuck do you mean, like another shower?” he laughs kissing her. 

“God, you’re adorable. You’re like a clueless child but you know exactly what you’re doing,” she chuckles. 

“Well I was a Marine. I can do my job but I can’t tell you how to do it,” he replies. 

“I love you,” she sighs. 

“I love you too,” he says, stealing another kiss. 

Gently he lays her back down, deepening their kiss. When he pulls away she can’t help but to gasp. 

Then, as he lays next to her, his hand wanders down her body. It starts at her neck, down her breasts to her stomach, his fingers dancing their way down her body. Then, ever so slowly, his two fingers drag through the cum on her stomach. He scopes it up before bringing them to her face. 

She opens her mouth for him and he places his fingers inside. Her tongue immediately meets them before her lips close around his digits. She hums in content sucking and licking at the sweet substance. Then she releases him and his hand returns to her stomach. 

They both watch as he scopes more up onto his fingers and returns them to her mouth. Again, she eats up his cum, sucking every drop off his fingers. 

When she’s done he slides his body over hers, returning to his position between her legs. His eyes meet hers as he licks up what’s left on her. 

A shiver runs through her body feeling his tongue dragging against her stomach. Then he’s crawling slowly back up to press his lips to hers. His tongue quickly dips into her mouth, releasing the cum from his mouth to hers. She moans, tasting him against his tongue and swallowing the rest of his cum. 

“Round two?” he hums. This time he can feel himself growing hard. 

“Not tonight,” she breaths. 

“Anything you want, beautiful,” he responds pulling away. He smiles warmly at her as he pushes her hair gently behind her ears. 

“Thank you,” she replies. “I’m tired.” 

“I can't imagine why,” he giggles sarcastically. 

“Me neither,” she responds as they move underneath the sheets. 

They lay facing one another as they pull each other close. Her legs slips between his and wraps around his bottom one loosely. For a moment they lay there, looking at each other, his fingers combing soothingly through her hair. Then as they drift off to sleep she tucks her head under his, enjoying his presence.


	10. A Start to Something New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a few days behind. I was able to go home for the holidays and my birthday/New Years, so I didn't get a lot of writing done. In other words this was written on a plane while I was half asleep.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it though. I'm hoping to wrap things up here in the next few chapters before I start on another longer fic. It's going to history oriented and i'm going to keep it as accurate as possible. Don't be surprised if you don't see it for awhile but I wanted you guys to know.

Ben’s eyes slowly open as light struggles to seep through the curtains. 

A groan escapes his mouth as he rubs his eyes. After they adjust to the light, he sees Rey’s face right next to his. She’s still sleeping peacefully, although the drool trickling out of her mouth makes him chuckle. 

As carefully as he can, he untangles himself from her arms and gets up. 

“Ben,” she mumbles, still asleep, feeling him move from their embrace. 

“Shh,” he says softly, running his fingers through her hair. “Go back to sleep. I’m going to go make breakfast,” he whispers. 

She nods, not quite comprehending what he said but agreeing anyways. She knows he means well. 

As he gets up he remembers his clothes are in the bathroom and makes his way there. He picks both Rey’s and his clothes up off the floor and takes them back into the bedroom. 

He slips his underwear and jeans on before laying her clothes neatly on the torn apart bed. 

For a moment he stops and gazes at her sleeping body. He still can’t believe last night even happened and waking up next to her was like heaven. He smiles like an idiot as he glances down at the floor, his face flushing red. 

As he heads towards the kitchen he looks over at her one more time, to make sure she’s still sleeping. 

When he gets to the kitchen he looks around to see what all she has for breakfast food. After some searching he finds a pancake mix and bacon. She has plenty of eggs so he decides to make scrambled eggs as well. He just finished making the first pancake when he feels arms snake around his waist. 

“Rey!” he chuckles, jumping at the sudden contact. “I told you to sleep.” 

“I know,” she says breathing him in, her face pressed against his skin. “God, you smell!” she says pulling her face away from his back. 

“Yeah. We probably both need another shower,” he laughs feeling her let go of him. 

“Maybe,” she smirks. “What are you making?” 

“Pancakes, bacon and eggs,” he replies. 

“Yum,” she says going over to the fridge. As she opens it her eyes scan the shelves for the orange juice. Then she sets it on the counter before before going to where she stores the cups. 

“Orange juice?” she asks grabbing two glasses. 

“Yes, please,” he responds as she fills the glasses. 

It doesn’t take him long to finish the rest of the pancakes. He whips up the eggs as the bacon finishes cooking in the oven. She gets out the plates and silverware so they can dish up when everything is done cooking. 

“How are you feeling this morning?” he asks as they both sit down at the table, filled plates in hand. 

“A little sore, not from you though,” she admits. 

“Your Head?” he asks in concern. 

“Yeah, but it’s just tender. I’ll be fine. I’ve been in worse shape,” she says cutting up her pancake. 

He frowns as he pushes his food around. He doesn’t want to imagine her in “worse shape” or even think that she has been. Life isn’t fair but it shouldn’t have hurt her like it has. She doesn’t deserve it. 

“What you thinking about?” Rey asks putting her hand over his. 

“Nothing,” he sighs, picking back up his fork, not realizing he dropped it. 

“Ben?” she says softly, knowing he’s lying. 

“It bothers me that life has been so cruel to you. It actually really pisses me off,” he confesses. 

“Don’t be mad. Thank you for being concerned but don’t get mad. There’s no reason to now. How’s your knee feeling this morning?” she says trying to comfort him. 

“It’s sore,” he says plainly. “Can I tell you why I freaked out the other day?” 

“If you’re ready to. You don’t need to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with,” Rey replies. 

“I don’t tell people any of this but I have to tell you. It’s not right if I don’t,” Ben says, his eyes locking with hers. She can feel how much it means to him that he tells her. It’s important to him, so it’s important to her. 

“I’m always here,” Rey says softly and he nods his head, knowing she means it. 

“I had a good life growing up. My parents taught me well, I had a few good friends, I excelled in school and sports, I had a good job. For the most part I got along with everyone but I had anger problems from a young age. Mostly because I wouldn’t put up with peoples shit and I had no time for bullshit. I was in my final year of high school when 911 happened. I could’ve took the scholarship to play football but instead I choose to go serve my country in its time of need. I went and signed up the day after the attacks and after I graduated I shipped out to boot camp.

The marines training is degrading both physically and mentally but I made it through with flying colors. I didn’t struggle like others did. The only problem I had was talking back sometimes. They straighten me out and I learned to keep my mouth shut. That was until I got to my unit. I was a good marine, I just let my mind be spoken, which landed me in trouble. 

I was a corporal when I got deployed for my second time. I could’ve been a sergeant but, like I said, I landed myself in some trouble with my mouth. This was shortly after Hux came to our company, so I didn’t make a good first impression. He was a captain at the time so he was in charge of our company. My “visits” with him is kinda what formed a friendship between us. He knew I was a good marine but I was just a pain in the ass. Don’t get me wrong, he loved to smoke me in front of the company to let people know there was no favorites being played. We butted heads a lot as well but we still ended up friends, which is frowned upon because I wasn’t an officer. We didn’t really care and thankfully no one else really did either. 

Anyways, after we deployed we finally found out what it is we were going to do. My company was a little different from the rest, as in we did special shit with special people. I can’t say specifics for obvious reasons. 

It was just like any other day. We woke up, did pt, cleaned up, got mounted up and took off towards a little town about 10 miles northwest of us. We did the same shit every day. By that point of our deployment we had gotten to know who was who in the town. We knew who were Taliban and who were just trying to make a honest living. We brought candy for the kids when we could, played ball with them, helped carry stuff at the market, whatever we could to help those trying to be good. If we could gain their trust they’d tell us what the Taliban were doing, where they were at, who is with them, whatever we needed to know about what was really happening in the town. 

I guess we got a little too close with the townspeople; we got complacent. We knew the risk every time we left the FOB (forward operating base.) We knew that things were never certain, but at that town, we didn’t grip our guns as tight as we used to. We knew they watched us too, but our concern wasn’t great. My buddy, Atley, was the first to suffer from our mistakes. He was helping an older lady move crates from her house and I was his lookout. I was walking a few paces off of him, scanning the area, looking for threats. 

In the split second I had turned to scan back the other way, shots rang out. Atley was hit in the head...immediately I grabbed him by his gear and pulled him to cover with me. I kept talking to him as if he didn’t die instantly. I told him it’s going to be ok and that we were going to go home soon...I told him that we were going to go to the bar and scout girls out once we got home, just like we talked about. The second we were behind cover I started returning it, Atley laid there next to me the whole time. In my head I was running through the procedures. Return fire, then first aid, then first aid, then first aid.   
coms were managed by Buckley, so I didn’t need to worry about calling in for support. 

The Taliban had made their advance down the street towards us, so we were firing at them behind market crates and around building corners. Eventually, my sergeant got over to me and started to tell me we were falling back. He was going to cover me till I got back to the squad then we were going to cover him, so he could get back. Then we would strategically move out. They had called for reinforcements and that we were being attacked but the reception was shitty and we weren’t getting through. Murphy’s law was working against us. 

My sergeant told me to leave Atley, that’d we’d get him when we’re clear. I didn’t agree with that and I stood there and argued with him. That allowed for shit to go even further south. Turns out they were surrounding us and were moving in behind us as well. My sergeant and I were in a funnel on that street and we needed to get to our squad. Two bullets hit the lower portion of my back plates. The third one hit me in my lower back, right below the plate, near my hip. It didn’t stop me from grabbing Atley and making a beeline for the squad. My sergeant was on my heels and when we made it back to them, we took off. We needed to get out of there and we ended up ducking into a nearby building. 

As we gathered our senses I realized there were men missing that shouldn’t have been. We desperately tried coms again as the firing died off. Eventually, we decided that we were going to get to the roof and try one more time before working towards our trucks. Even if we wanted to use our trucks we couldn’t because the Taliban blew them up. We were pinned down till we got coms and help. 

Our adrenaline had begun to wear off and we were doing first aid on those who needed it, myself included. By now, I was feeling the pain from being shot but I volunteered to go try coms on the roof. It was me and my sergeant that went. I got the whole “you need to listen to me when I give you orders” run around speech. If my mouth didn’t get me in trouble it was my ears and actions. If I didn’t agree with their thought I’d do my own. I always did what I thought was right, whether they liked it or not. Hux, honestly, got me out of a lot of punishments. Thank god. 

Anyway, after struggling to get a signal, we finally got one. After a few minutes we were able to get ahold of our command back on base. Granted, it was going to be at least 30 minutes before they got there but they were coming. It wasn’t long after that there was shouting in the streets over from us. The way the buildings were positioned I had to drag myself over to the other side of the building to see. I also had to expose myself in order to see what was going on. 

My sergeant was still with me as were able to make the men out. They had three of our guys. One of them was still alive but all three were thought to be dead. They left them there to come back to them, just like what they wanted to do with Atley. I won’t say the details, but they were disrespecting their bodies and the one that was still alive, wasn’t anymore. 

Knowing that they left them there when they could’ve been brought them with us was unacceptable. Needless to say, they got hemmed up for it afterwards, rightfully so. Yeah, they moved the bodies so they were in a safe place, but that obviously didn’t stop the Taliban. I understand that we needed to get the fuck out but we shouldn’t have left them. It infuriated me to see them being disrespected like that, so my sergeant yelled at me when I started shooting at the Taliban. He wasn’t very happy I gave away our position. 

He ended up grabbing me by my collar and yanking me back down the stairs, back to our squad. We had a few moments to figure out what the fuck to do before an RPG hit the building. We made it out, all but one. He got caught under the falling debris. Nothing we could do, so we took off down the street, right into the Taliban’s arms. 

This is the point where what was left of us got separated. Half of us got caught going right and the rest went left. It was take cover behind the closest side or get shot. Some got shot anyways but it wasn’t fatal. I was with Brown and my sergeant and we took off through the buildings, dodging bullets. 

Eventually, we were able to escape them and we decided to hunker down. We had no options but to wait. We didn't know if the others had escaped or not but we prayed they did. It took longer than expected for help to arrive and it was almost nightfall when they did. I had to be medevaced out because of the amount of blood I had lost. I was lucky to survive that day with just a hole in my hip, a few bruised and broken ribs, and a concussion. 

We found out later that there were only five of us that survived, myself included in that number. Five out of twelve. A lot of it was a blur. We knew what to do and for the most part we did it. There was just a lot that didn’t go our way. Honestly, I don’t even remember being found. I had passed out from my wound. Apparently, Hux was relieved when he found me, even hugged me, but he’ll never admit it. If he didn’t get pulled to stay back that day, he would’ve been with us,” Ben says, taking his time with tears streaming down his face. 

Other than his therapist, he’s never really told anybody what happened that day. On top of that his therapist only has a general idea, not everything he just told Rey. Hux doesn’t even know and he doesn’t dare ask. He doesn’t like to relieve it or talk about it because it’s took him years to work towards recovery and he’s still working. 

It’s hard to live in a world where your friends were killed right in front of you and there was nothing you could do for them. You had no control over what happened, only how you reacted to it. 

Yes, he did what he was supposed to and yes, he did what he thought was right. 

Did he really do them justice, though? Did he really bring honor to their death? Why was he spared when he could’ve, should’ve, been killed instead of his friends? 

Once you kill someone, everything changes. Once you see your friends lying dead in front of you, there’s no going back. 

He doesn’t deserve to be alive. He doesn’t deserve to have a successful career, the house he lives in, the clothes on his back. He doesn’t deserve to be sitting next to the ray of sunshine that he is. He deserves nothing because those men deserved everything. They deserved to come home to their families, move on with their lives, have a successful career, find their own wives and start their own families. They deserved to live a long life but they were denied that, because he couldn’t save them. 

What about the innocent victims that died that day, as well? Most of those people were trying to make a living, selling food or quilts in that market. They were robbed from their lives, as well. 

It goes without saying, he never really recovered or has never been the same. 

Rey has scooted closer to him by now, her chair right next to him. Her arms wrapped around him and he rests his head on hers. She can feel his pain, radiating from her heart. Her struggle may have been different from his but she feels his pain. She wondered for a long time, what she was doing wrong and living in fear of her soon to be ex-husband. 

“After I got back, I started to go down hill. I started drinking a lot more, to the point I was going to PT in the morning drunk. I started to use drugs but, thankfully, I never really got hooked on them. I had a short fuse before what happened but afterwards you couldn’t even look in my direction without me exploding. I stopped caring and I stopped doing everything I was supposed to do. 

I can’t tell you how many times I got smoked because I told higher ups to go fuck themselves when they told me to do something. It all got me discharged along with my diagnosis of ptsd. I wasn’t going to those meetings either. They tried to help me but I didn’t want it, at the time anyway. 

Hux argued with them, for I don’t know how long, to not give me a dishonorable discharge. I don’t know what he said but somehow it worked. 

After I got out I didn’t stop my charade. I was drunk 24/7. I’d drink all day and at night I’d go to the bar. If I didn’t get into a fight or thrown in jail for it, I’d find a girl and take her home. I’d repeat the process everyday. Some nights I threw in the occasional line or shot up. The only people I’d actually talk to were my parents and Hux. That was only when they called, too. 

I always lied telling them I was getting better, that I was going to therapy and getting my drinking under control. I told them I hadn’t gotten into a fight for weeks and that my anger was subsiding. Honestly, I was doing anything to forget, to unsee what I had, to get rid of the thoughts, images. I lied like a mother fucker to avoid my problems. 

I had incidents in public that I’d rather not talk about, but they happened. Flashbacks plagued me, to say the least. I wasn’t getting any sleep. I’d fall asleep after days only to wake up to a nightmare not even an hour later. If you were to look up symptoms for ptsd, I had every one. I easily could’ve been their poster child. 

Eventually, everything culminated and I decided to try and kill myself. I made the decision in the morning and tried to carry it out in the evening. I thought about putting the bullet through my skull but instead I tried drugs. Since, it was never my go to, I figured I could overdose really easily off of it. Plus, it was cheaper than buying the gun. By now, Hux had been checking in on me regularly but I never knew when he was stopping by. To my surprise he caught me right after I finished ingesting it all, along with a whole thing of jack. He walked in right as I started to have an effect from it. I was blacked out before he got 911 dialed. That was all within a year, maybe, of getting discharged. 

After that, everything changed. I slowly started accepting that I had a problem and that I needed help. I went to rehab for alcohol and drugs, even though drugs weren’t my problem. It took me awhile to get over my drinking problem and that’s why I don’t like to drink anymore. Plus, I would become violent from it, and I don’t like to hurt people anymore. At least if it’s not in a controlled environment. That’s a lot of the reason I choose to do boxing after everything because it allows me to get out my feelings and anger in a way where if I go too far I can be stopped and where I don’t get in trouble for fighting. 

I also go to therapy a few times a week and I’m on meds, if I remember to take them. I still have a lot of trouble sleeping. I think last night was the first time in years I actually slept through the night without waking up from a nightmare. I have ways to handle my issues but I’ve been lax in them for about the last year now. I’m getting stubborn about it because personally, I don’t think I’m doing as well as they tell me. Plus, since I met you I haven’t been taking care of myself like I should be. Don’t take it personally because I’d rather be with you and taking care of you then worry about taking care of myself. 

That’s part of the reason I had to leave like I did the other day. I knew what was about to happen and I needed to get away from you. When I start neglecting my schedule and not do the things I’m supposed to be doing, everything starts to intensify again for me. It makes sense but I still choose to ignore it. I’m stubborn if you haven’t figured that out, yet. 

When I let things build like I have been I tend to explode and I don’t want you to see it or be near me. It’s been awhile since I had an episode like the other night. I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to tell you. I’m not good with social interaction. Part of it is because of what happened and the other is I just don’t like to talk to people. I’m too busy trying to better myself and to get better that I don’t want to interact with more people than I have to. Not a lot of people can relate to me and my experiences either. 

I honestly had no interest in finding someone to live the rest of my life with, but then I found you. I knew something was different about you the moment I saw you. I haven’t been this happy in I don’t know how long. For some reason, when I’m around you, my anxiety, depression, ptsd, anger, everything, seems to diminish. I feel like, for once, maybe they are right about me getting better,” he finishes. 

For a long time they sit there, taking in his words. To an extent, Ben feels almost freed. It felt like the pressure on his shoulders was lifted, finally letting everything out. 

Maybe part of his problem is how lonely he is, too. He felt like he had no one, even though he has all these people helping him, including Hux and His parents. Now he has Rey, and suddenly everything feels right again. 

She’s had her own traumatic experiences that have shaped and scared her just as he has. She understands the pain, loss, suffering, fear, intense loneliness. He found someone that struggles with everything he does. 

“I feel like I should say I’m sorry or something but I know it won’t make a difference. Sorry doesn’t bring back those who died, or the experiences and trauma you’ve gone through. Yet, I just,” 

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect you to. When I told you not to thank me for serving, there’s a reason to it. I don’t deserve the thanks. Those who died, do. All I did was survive and become an alcoholic with ptsd,” Ben sighs in defeat. 

“You served your country when others wouldn’t and still won’t. That’s thanks enough because you were willing to sacrifice everything, so the rest of us could live in peace. I know you don’t want it but you deserve to be thanked. You deserve love and happiness and everything else in between. You’ll find your peace in time. I have,” Rey says looking at him and wiping his face off softly. He’s her peace in the storm. 

“I’m working on accepting that peace,” he says, trying to smile at her. 

It hurts seeing him so broken and vulnerable. She knows he’s wanted to explain everything and hearing the truth breaks her heart. To an extent, she knew he had issues he was working through, as we all do. She wishes that she could’ve been there for him and told him he was going to ok. She wishes she could’ve helped him or met him before he went off the deep end. 

God didn’t have it in the cards at the time, though. They were meant to go through what they did; to end up together. They were going to be the part that fixed the other and made them whole again. 

Over the past week, she realized just how much he’s pushed away his feelings, thoughts and that he hasn’t told a lot of people of what’s wrong. He puts on a show to hide his pain and that’s the worst part to know. He doesn’t want to talk about it, so he doesn’t. She’s grateful he feels comfortable enough to tell her. 

“I love you, if that helps,” she says cupping his face and he chuckles slightly. 

“A lot,” he says kissing her. 

“You stopped me from going off the deep end, again. Thank you for taking a chance on my stupid ass,” he smiles pulling away and pressing his forehead to hers. Both let out a soft sigh in content. 

“I’d say more like great ass,” she says and they both start laughing. 

“No, stupid,” he jokes back. 

“Beautiful,” Rey giggles in response. 

“Me or my ass?” he asks like he doesn’t know. 

“Both. It’s definitely both,” Rey laughs before stealing a kiss. 

“Should we finish breakfast?” Ben gasps as their kiss becomes deeper. 

“You can have breakfast in bed if you want,” Rey suggests. 

“But I don’t want to take everything upstairs,” he pouts pulling away and puffing out his lip, making himself look pathetic. 

“Ben, honey,” Rey laughs, pushing his face softly and playfully. “One day you’re going to understand my sexual references.” 

“Maybe one day I’ll get a hang of it again,” he chuckles. “I’ll clean up here, and then we can laze around in bed, if you want?” he asks rubbing her thigh gently. 

“Can I blow you?” she asks. 

“I’ll think about it,” he teases, kissing her again. When he pulls away, he looks at her, his eyes soft and red. “I’m not going to eat anything else. I lost my appetite. You can eat what you want,” he says before standing up. 

“I’m not hungry either. We can stick it in the fridge for later,” Rey suggests getting up and grabbing her plate. 

“I got it,” he says shooing her hand away and taking her plate. 

“Ben, you made it. I can help clean up,” Rey protests. 

“Seriously, I got it,” he says warmly, walking over to the kitchen. He scrapes off what they didn’t eat into the trash before setting them in the sink. 

“Rey!” He says seeing her put the leftovers in containers. 

“What!” She says like she doesn’t know. 

“Stop!” he laughs walking over to her and trying to take the containers from her. 

“Benjamin Solo!” Rey scolds. 

“You don’t need to put the food away. I got it,” he states again. 

“I’m helping,” Rey laughs trying to keep him away. 

“Nope,” He says starting to tickle her sides. 

“Dammit, Ben!” she laughs dropping the containers and grabbing his hands. 

“Then stop putting stuff away,” he laughs. 

“Ok, ok,” she agrees and he stops tickling her. 

“Good. I’ll meet you upstairs,” he says kissing her. 

“Alright, but next time I’m helping,” she smiles. 

“Fair enough,” he responds before she heads upstairs. 

When she’s gone he lets out a breath. It felt good to finally say everything, but he needs a few moments to collect himself. He takes his time washing the dishes and putting the food away. He ends up spending a lot of time trying to find one more small container to put the eggs in. Before he heads back upstairs, he stops to take a few deep breaths. He’ll be fine. A day of cuddling and doing nothing with his girl sounds rejuvenating enough. 

“You ok?” Rey asks, startling him after he gets up the stairs. Maybe he took too long cleaning up downstairs. 

“I’m fine. Just sore,” he smiles. 

“I can see. Let me help,” she says going over to him and offering a hand. She’s way shorter than him but she lets him use her as a krutch. Her arm wraps around his waist pulling him close as he puts his arm around around her shoulders. 

“Thanks,” he responds as she helps him hobble to the bed. 

“Maybe you should go get it looked at,” Rey suggests as she helps him sit down on the edge of the bed. 

“It’ll be fine. I’m still fighting tonight whether they say I can or not,” he states, working his jeans back off. 

“Ben!” Rey exclaims seeing his swollen, purple and blue, knee. 

“What?” he asks like it isn’t a big deal. 

“You need to go get it looked it. It looks horrible,” Rey says. 

“It’s fine. I’ve had worse injuries. We’ll give it a few days and if it doesn’t get better then I’ll go in,” Ben responds. Rey just sighs as she plops down next to him. 

“At least ice it for me, please,” she asks leaning her head on his shoulder, giving up. He wasn’t kidding when he told her he’s stubborn. 

“I can do that. Thank you for being concerned but I’ll be fine,” he says kissing the top of her head. 

“Thank you. I’ll go get you some,” she says getting up and going down to the kitchen. When she returns she hands the frozen bag of peas to him. 

“These are peas,” he giggles, giving her shit. 

“Would you like a frozen lunch pack?” she asks sarcastically. 

“These are great. Thank you,” he laughs placing the bag on his knee. 

“Give it 20 minutes or so, and then take it off,” Rey says laying on bed behind him. 

“Can we cuddle?” he asks, leaning back and looking at her. 

“You know you’re real hard to say no to, even if it’s a joke,” she says, pushing hair out of his face. 

“You can tell me no. Sometimes, I need a kick in the ass,” he smiles. 

“How about a slap instead of a kick?” she laughs in agreeance as he lays down, his head in her lap. 

“Ohhh, is that another kink?” he asks excitedly, exposing her. “I didn’t realize you were so kinky.” 

“I can get as kinky as you want. I’m down for pretty much anything,” she giggles, playing with his hair. 

“Don’t say that,” he says, trying to sound disappointed. 

“Why not?” She asks. 

“Because I can come up with some kinky shit,” he responds. 

“Oh yeah? Tell me,” she asks seductively. 

“Edging,” is the first thing to come out of his mouth. “Role playing, safe words, sensory deprivation, bondage,” he says while sitting up and moving on top of her. “Wax play, discipline, dominance and submission, butt plugs, collaring, orgasm denial, spanking. Do you want me to go on?” he asks, his face right above hers. Both of their eyes have grown dark now. 

“We’ll have to sit and have a chat about it,” Rey smiles, her hand wandering down his back. 

“I’ll be down for whatever you’re comfortable with,” he says. 

“Make sure you’re comfortable with it, too,” Rey returns, her hand slipping under the band to his underwear. A soft moan escapes his mouth as he thrusts his hips slightly. 

“Of course,” he says huskily. “Right now, I can’t get the idea of typing you to the bed, and making you beg me to let you cum, out of my head.” 

“Fuck, Ben,” Rey whimpers at the thought of it. 

“That’s the first thing on the list,” he says kissing her. 

“Agreed,” Rey says around his tongue. Now his hips grind slowly into hers. 

“You know, I caught a glimpse of you this morning,” she says. 

“When?” he asks in confusion, pulling away. 

“I wasn’t fully asleep when you stood up. I couldn’t help but think that you looked huge even when you’re soft,” Rey says and Ben snorts. 

“Damn, even half asleep you can’t stop thinking about my dick,” he laughs. 

“And your ass,” she chuckles. 

“No. I still think you like my dick better,” Ben smiles kissing her. 

“Maybe,” she responds. 

For the rest of the day, they spend their time talking and having lazy sex. At one point, Rey tried to give Ben a blow job but he ended up making her laugh too much to actually do it. The same thing happened when he tried to eat her out. Around 3 in the afternoon, they fell asleep entangled in each other’s arms. 

The sound of Ben’s phone ringing non stop rouses them from their sleep, though. 

“Ben, the phone,” Rey sighs sleepily. 

“Who the fuck?” Ben mumbles to himself, rolling over to grab his phone. His phone screen blinds him as he opens it up. 

“Oh shit,” he says seeing Hux’s and his trainers name multiple times in the missed calls. 

“Oh shit!” he says sitting up quickly realizing he’s late. 

“What’s wrong?” Rey asks. 

“Shit. Fuck. I’m late. I gotta go,” he says moving as fast as he can to get up and get dressed. 

“Are you still coming tonight?” he asks pulling on his jeans and grabbing his shirt. 

“If you want me to,” Rey responds. 

“Of course I want you to come,” Ben says grabbing his phone. “I’m sorry I gotta go but I’ll see you after,” he says kissing her. 

“Good luck. Kick some ass for me,” she says. 

“Anything for you,” he replies.


	11. Fight Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look! Im posting on time! 
> 
> Sad to say it, but the next chapter will be the last. It's going to be brought together real quick with an epilogue. This chapter also winds up kinda quick. 
> 
> Next chapter will be a lot happier and I swear i'm going to end it on a good note. Enjoy and i'll see you for the last chapter!

“Where the hell have you been?” Ben’s trainer greets him, as he walks through the doors. 

“Well hello to you, too,” Ben snides, walking past him. 

“You have an hour before your match and it’s a qualifying match. Do you know how close you were to losing your spot?” the man says angrily. 

“Pretty close from the sounds of it,” Ben says seeing Hux walking towards him. “Oh shit,” he sighs sarcastically stopping in the middle hall and rolling his eyes. 

“What the fuck, Solo?” Hux says angrily. “Did our talk the other day mean nothing?” 

“I lost track of time,” Ben defends. 

“You’re moving too damn slow if that was the case,” Hux says grabbing his arm and making Ben follow him to the locker rooms. 

“He’s been pulling stunts like this lately,” his trainer adds, following them. 

“Don’t worry, I’m tracking,” Hux says. 

It’s a quiet and quick walk to the locker rooms. Ben’s struggling to hide the pain radiating from his knee and the limp accompanying it. Shit’s really going to hit the fan when they see it. 

“Can I have a talk with him privately?” Hux asks as they reach the locker rooms. 

“Go right ahead. I got to inform them he’s here. When he’s ready to warm up let me know,” his trainer says before Hux and Ben enter the room. 

“You were with her, weren’t you?” are the first words out of Hux’s mouth. 

“Does it matter?” kylo asks dropping his bag on the bench. 

“You were two hours late. You’ll be lucky if you get a warm up in at all. Did you even take your meds today because evidence is showing that you didn’t,” Hux says crossing his arms. 

“You’re so good at catching my lies. Why?” Ben asks. 

“Because I know your dumb ass and I have been trained to deal with marines and detect when they’re acting stupid. Why are acting like this if she makes you so happy?” Hux asks as Ben gets undressed. 

“I didn’t lie when I said I lost track of time. You’re right, I was with her. I get lost in her company and then I’m reminded I have a reality I have to live in. I didn’t take my meds because I spent the night with her and when I ran home all I was thinking about was my gear,” Ben says, trying to keep his knee out of Hux’s sight. 

“Oh god, please tell me you two didn’t have sex...Never mind. I know by looking at you, you’re a man who finally got laid in a long while,” Hux sighs, rubbing his forehead. 

“So what if we did?” Ben says pulling his boxer shorts on and tying them. “She’s still technically married Ben. Just because she has her divorce papers submitted doesn’t mean it’s finalized. If you two get caught it could cause the divorce to end in a way that isn’t wanted,” Hux says in a frustrated tone. 

“Don’t worry. We’re aware. And it just kinda happened,” Ben smiles at the thought, pulling his shoes and socks out of his bag. 

“What? Did you just accidentally slip and fall into her vagina?” Hux asks sarcastically. 

“No! You asshole,” Ben exclaims but lowering his voice on the last part. “No. She wanted me to check on her to make sure she was ok and I was comforting her and one thing led to another and yeah.” 

“That’s how it always ends you dumbass,” Hux chuckles. “I just need to know why you think you can show up this late to a qualifying match,” Hux asks as Ben pulls his shoes out of bag. 

“I told you. I lost track of time. Yes, I’ve been blowing off training and been being late. I’m not going to lie, but like I said, I lose track of time with her. I get started talking and then lost in her presence. Then the next thing I know it’s like five hours later and I’ve missed half of the shit I’m supposed to do or be doing. I can’t fucking help it. I fucking love her,” Ben says dropping his shoes on the ground and staring Hux down. 

“I know,” Hux sighs taking a seat down next to him. 

“I’m all sorts of fucked up right now. I need help getting things leveled out again and to figure out a new routine. I feel out of whack and everything seems to be screaming at me all the time. I don’t want to hide my love for her anymore but I have to. I fucking hate sneaking around. He’s cheated on her while they were married so why can’t I be with her during the divorce? This is so goddamn frustrating,” Ben sighs rubbing his forehead. 

“You know I’m here if you need me. I know it fucking sucks but it’s just how the legal system works. Once everything is finalized you can tell anyone and everyone. Until that time though you gotta shut up,” Hux says rubbing his back sympathetically. It makes him squirm and Hux knows to stop immediately. 

“Sorry,” Hux replies. 

“You’re fine,” Ben sighs bending down to slip the shoes he has on now off and to put on his boxing shoes. “I feel like I might implode again,” Ben huffs tying his shoes. 

“Do you want me to stay around, so if you do, I can stop you?” Hux asks. 

“Like you were going far, anyway,” Ben smirks sitting back up. 

“I’ll take it as a yes,” Hux laughs putting his hands on his knees before standing up. 

“Did you know, last night was the first time I’ve slept through the night in god knows how long,” Ben says as he does. 

“No nightmares or struggling to sleep?” Hux asks in curiosity. 

“Not a damn thing to wake me,” Ben smiles. 

“That’s good then,” Hux replies cheerfully. 

“It was a nice change,” Ben says getting to feet and grabbing his tape. “Do you mind?” he asks handing it to Hux. 

“Use that pent up emotion against your opponent tonight. Get it all out. Board the line of getting disqualified if you have to but don’t cross it. Do you understand?” he asks taking the tape from Ben. 

“Don’t worry. I will,” Ben sighs as Hux starts taping his wrists. 

“So, I have a question?” Hux states and Ben feels his heart drop. 

“About?” he asks, trying to hide his nerves. 

“What exactly happened to your knee?” Hux asks and he sees Ben deflate like a balloon. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” he laughs, almost in disbelief. 

“I was hoping not,” Ben frowns. 

“How long have you know me?” Hux laughs looking at him but Ben averts his gaze. 

“Ok, maybe you’re right,” Ben mumbles and Hux chuckles. He should’ve known better than to hide shit from Hux. He always has had a knack for calling Ben out on his bullshit. There’s been times Ben’s planned it out to the smallest detail to make sure nobody found. Somehow, Hux always knew though. It’s like his sixth sense and it’s fucking creepy. 

“So, what’d you do? Or do I need to ask if you got into a fight,” Hux asks, continuing his work. 

“Jesus Christ,” Ben huffs. 

“What can I say, I’m good at my job,” Hux boasts. 

“Or you stalk me,” Ben suggests, sarcastically. 

“You’re easy to read. Don’t get your panties in a wad,” Hux says finishing one wrist and moving over to the other. 

“It fucking hurts, so can I please sit since you know,” Ben asks and Hux nods in approval. “Fucker!” Ben snaps, swatting Hux’s hand away when he goes to look at it. 

“Either I look at and get an idea of what’s wrong or you let your trainer thoroughly evaluate it,” Hux offers coldly, giving Ben a look of exhaustion. Probably from dealing with his shit all the time. 

“Fine,” Ben huffs crossing his arms but soon they’re gripping the edge of the bench as he swears at Hux. 

“What the fuck did you do?” Hux snickers in disbelief. 

“I got my shit kicked from the wrong angle. I was winning, thank you though for asking,” Ben replies hastily in anger. 

“Calm down. We’ll see what your trainer says. In the meantime start stretching. I’ll finish your wrist later. I’m going to go get our friend,” Hux says getting up. 

“I’m still fighting whether he tells me I can or can’t!” Ben yells as Hux leaves him. 

A sigh escapes his mouth as he rubs his face. "God, I’m an idiot" he thinks to himself. Everything has been changing for him lately and he hasn’t been responding well, especially when it involves Rey. He can’t say shit about their relationship but that’s all he wants to do. He’s finally, almost able, to call her, his. Yet, he can’t tell anyone. 

It doesn’t help that he’s so preoccupied with her, in a good way, that he isn’t taking care of himself. Ok, he was doing that before he met her, too. He almost flipped out on a guy crossing the street, legally, on his way here. If he was truly getting better, then he shouldn’t be freaking out over the little things. 

Then he got his knee kicked in and now he’s barely walking. He knows he acting like it’s nothing, but he knows it is. He’s just gotta get through tonight. Then he can get it checked out. 

When Hux and his trainer come back, they take a long look at it. If Ben didn’t know they were looking at it, he would’ve beat the shit out of them; it hurt so bad. 

“You’re not fighting tonight,” his trainer, argues. 

“I am, whether you tell me to or not. I need to fight tonight,” Ben retaliates. 

“Ben, you need to listen to him. There’ll be more opportunities to be a contender,” Hux says. 

“No. I’m fighting,” Ben says crossing his arms. 

“You can barely walk, let alone stand!” Hux exclaims. 

“You know what, screw it. If he wants to fight let him. I’m done arguing with him. We’ll just wrap it good and put him in a brace,” his trainer sighs in defeat. 

“See,” Ben says sarcastically. 

“You should shave, too,” Hux adds, snidely. 

“I’m keeping it. Just for you,” Ben says. 

“You’re really pissing me off. I really hope nothing happens,” Hux huffs before leaving. 

“Me too,” Ben thinks to himself as his trainer goes to work. He wraps it nice and tight causing Ben more pain, but somehow the pressure feels good. The Brace only helps to stabilize it. 

“You’re real stupid,” his trainer says as he stands back up. 

“Thanks for reminding me,” Ben sighs, eyes casting down. 

“You got guts though, I’ll give you that. At least you try and you work hard. I can’t say that about past students. They didn’t care as much as you. I’ll be back in a few minutes. You should be up,” his trainer says before leaving. 

At least he knows he isn’t a total piece of shit. Just stubborn and nobody likes it, including himself. 

He shouldn’t argue against the expert but he needs to fight tonight. He has to let out his emotions so he doesn’t have a breakdown again. He needs something familiar to his new, and unpredictable schedule. It’s going to take a lot to get used to and adjust. 

As Ben stands to his feet, his hands reach up in a stretch. He takes a few deep breaths before doing some quick stretching. His trainer did good work on his leg. It doesn’t hurt as bad. Still, he makes sure to pop some ibuprofen to help with the pain. 

“You’re up!” Hux says in a hurry, bursting back into the locker room. 

“Alright,” Ben replies taking another deep breath. He slips his gloves on before grabbing his black robe off the hanger. He puts it on, pulling the hood over his head. 

“You don’t have to fight. There’s always,” 

“I’m fighting,” Ben says interrupting Hux. “I need to do this,” he says staring Hux down. 

Hux sets his jaw, knowing exactly why. 

“Just be careful, please,” Hux sighs. 

“I’m always careful,” Ben smirks like he’s surprised at Hux’s statement. 

“Extra careful with that knee,” Hux corrects. 

“Stop worrying about me. Everything is going to be fine. I’m going out there and i’m going to win,” Ben states. 

“Is she coming to watch?” Hux asks as they walk out of the room. 

“Slow down,” Ben wants to stay, struggling to keep up with his face paced friend. “Yes.” 

“Am I finally going to get to meet her?” Hux asks. 

“Maybe,” Ben blushes as they reach where he’ll enter the arena from. 

“Remember what we talked about earlier,” Hux says. 

“Hey, one minute,” his trainer says joining them. Ben nods, acknowledging them both. 

“You ready?” Hux asks. 

“As I can be,” Ben says. 

“Just think. If you win you’ll probably get laid tonight,” Hux jokes and Ben slaps his arm. 

“Can you not right now?” Ben says seriously. 

“Jesus. I’m just trying to be encouraging,” Hux says, not realizing he hit a nerve. 

“That’s not needed,” Ben says coldly. 

Now that Hux knows he finally got laid, he isn’t going to stop bothering him. Guess, Ben should start preparing for that, too. He’ll be right up Ben’s ass asking about it and joking about it. Right time and place, though. This isn’t the time and place for a joke about his sex life, right now. 

“Can you two stop bickering?” Ben’s trainer asks as they hear the announcer start to announce Ben’s entrance. 

“That’s literally what our relationship is built upon,” Ben says, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. 

“Bickering,” Hux says right after Ben finishes his sentence. 

“Let’s just go,” his trainer sighs as they call out Ben’s boxing name, Kylo Ren. 

“It’s time,” Ben says before they walk out. 

The cheers of the crowd echo in his ears as he makes his way to the ring. His eyes remained fixed on it and his expression cold. He’s ready and mostly focused. 

His opponent is Caden. He’s a little younger than Ben, but Ben also started later. Even though he’s young, he’s not to be taken lightly. He plays a little dirty and has plenty of power behind his punch. Ben can work with that and he doesn’t mind getting dirty. His record is exceptionally good for a young fighter, as well. 

When he gets to the ring he climbs on in. He slips off his robe, preparing for the ref to call them to the center of the ring. 

“You got this,” Hux says as Ben gets some more stretching in. 

“I know. I did study him,” Ben replies. 

“Good. Watch his uppercut,” his trainer says as the ref calls the fighters to the center of the ring. 

“Got it,” Ben says moving towards the ref. 

They take care of formalities, Ben not letting his glare break. Then they head back to their corners and wait for the bell. They’re doing three, three minute rounds, depending on what happens. Ben plans to have him down by early 2nd. 

As soon as the bell rings they’re going at it. 

At first, it’s back and forth. But soon, Ben manages to get the upper hand. He threw in some extra punches where he wasn’t supposed to but the ref didn’t see it. When Ben gets him cornered, the ref breaks them up. As Ben backs up Caden tries to throw a elbow, earning him a warning from the ref. 

When they’re allowed to keep going Ben moves back in. His right connects with Caden’s jaw but he’s still able to block Ben’s left fist. Ben doesn’t react fast enough and the tide shifts. 

Now Ben’s furiously trying to block the blows. Eventually, they end up in a grapple. As the ref breaks them up, Caden takes advantage and kicks Ben’s bad knee with all he’s got. 

“Fuck!” Ben yelps dropping down in pain. An electric jolt shot throughout his knee, accompanied by a pop. 

This is fucking shitty. You struggle to get ahead, so you gotta play extra shitty? Ben understands some dirty play, obviously he does it himself. But he has to draw the line somewhere and targeting an injury with an illegal hit draws that line. Targeting isn’t horrible. It’s when you do it because it’s an escape and you want to be shitty. That’s where the line is drawn. 

As Ben looks back at him in pain and anger he sees the fist coming down. The ref is trying to hold Caden back but his fist connects straight on Ben’s temple. That’s the last thing Ben sees. 

\---

As Ben’s eyes open everything seems glazed over and the lights are glowing. 

“Hey bud,” someone’s voice echoes. 

“Hux?” Ben mumbles starting to make out his friend. God, why is his leg and head throbbing? 

“He’s finally coming to,” Hux says but Ben isn’t sure who he’s talking to. “You’re ok Ben,” Hux says, rubbing his shoulder gently. 

Suddenly, Ben’s shot back in time. Those were the first words out of his mouth when Ben woke up from being shot. The pain and fear from waking up so suddenly. Everything he remembered from the point he passed out from blood loss, rushing back to him. 

“I’ve been shot!” Ben responds, the panic rising in his voice as he puts two and two together. 

“No, no. You’re fine. Just knocked out,” Hux responds. 

“I’ve been shot. That’s why everything hurts. I lost too much blood again,” Ben says, his breathing becoming short and his heart beating faster. 

“Ben listen to me. You’re fine. Just hurt your knee,” Hux says trying to calm him, to no avail. 

“I’ve been shot,” Ben mumbles over and over, starting to have a full blown panic attack. He tries to sit up but he can’t. There’s something strapped across his chest and legs, restricting his movement. There’s even something around his neck. 

“Calm down Ben. Everything is alright,” Hux says, trying his best. 

He knows it’s not going to work but he has to try. He couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t try. The best thing he can do is get Ben out of this ring and back to the locker room, so he can actually calm down. Ben won’t start to calm down until it’s just him and maybe Hux. He has to feel safe and being in a ring isn’t safe. It definitely doesn’t help that he’s currently strapped down to the stretcher. 

“Where’s Rey?” Ben asks, feeling the earth move under him. His hands white knuckle whatever he’s laying on. 

“She’s waiting for you. You’re fine. Deep breaths. Everything is ok,” Hux says as they head towards the locker room. 

“I’m going to die. I want to see her,” Ben says, the room spinning. 

“You’re not going to die. You hurt your knee. She’s waiting in the locker room for you,” Hux says. The medics are trying to move quickly, to get him away from the public, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. 

“She doesn’t deserve a fuck up like me. She might as well leave,” Ben says, tears streaming down his face. 

“Ben, Stop. She needs you just as much as you need her. Calm down. Breath. Everything is going to be fine,” Hux replies. 

“How can she love someone who couldn’t even save his friends?” Ben asks as they finally reach the locker room. 

“Is he ok?” Rey asks in concern as she greets them. 

“He’s in the middle of a panic attack,” Hux says, lowering his voice so Ben can’t hear. 

“Well get him off the stretcher!” Rey orders, like it should’ve been obvious. 

“We had to get him back here,” one of the medics responds. 

“Rey!” Ben cries, seeing her. 

“Calm down, Ben,” she replies as they undo the straps, holding him down. 

“I’m going to die. I’ve been shot!” he says. 

“Don’t say that. You’re completely fine. Just a banged up knee,” she says as calmly as she can. 

Honestly, she’s never seen him broken down like this. This is what he was talking about. Her heart breaks thinking he had to be by himself the other night because of it. If only she could’ve been there. At least she’s here now to help him. 

As soon as the straps are undone, he’s propping himself up on his side and throwing his arms around her. “I’m going to die,” he cries into her chest as she holds him close. 

"Crying is a good sign" Hux thinks. He’s calming down. 

“You’re fine. I’m here. Hux is here. Just breathe. You’re ok,” she says taking the neck brace off him. 

“Ma’am, we have to ask you not to do that. We’re certain he has a concussion,” the medic says. 

“It’s his head, not his neck,” Rey responds. 

“It’s procedure,” the medic responds and Rey shoots him a glare. 

“Drop it”, Hux orders ushering the medics out. “Let him calm down.” 

“Breathe,” Rey says soothingly, her fingers running through his hair. 

“Tears are a good sign,” Hux whispers, sticking his hands in his pockets. He’s happy she can help soothe him. 

She nods, letting him know she heard him. This is her first time meeting this man, but she can tell how much he cares for Ben. Ben mentioned they fight a lot but there’s clearly a greater bond between them. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben repeats now, his heart rate slowing. Reality is finally coming into focus for him. 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Rey reassures him. 

“I shouldn’t have fought tonight,” he says looking at Hux now. 

“You did great. It’s not your fault the guy decided to be a dick. You wouldn’t have had a problem then. At least you won by disqualification,” Hux says calmly. 

“I should’ve listened,” Ben replies going back to the comfort of Rey’s arms. 

“It’s ok,” Rey and Hux respond. 

“No. I’m a fucking idiot. For more just that,” Ben says. 

“No you’re not. You’re you, which is why I love you,” Rey says kissing the top of his head. 

“Me being me isn’t a good thing,” Ben admits. 

“Bullshit. Even though you’re an ass half the time, I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t you,” Hux interjects. 

“I know you don’t think you’re getting better and you’ve been slacking on purpose because of it. Don’t worry, I knew. But you are. You don’t have near the breakdowns you use to, you got a good job, you mostly take care of yourself now, I don’t think you have anger outbursts as much anymore. I can keep going but you have made a tremendous improvement. You just gotta keep working. It’s not your fault life has fucked you. 

What’s important is how you handle it and continue to improve from it. You’ve worked hard to be where you’re at and I don’t think you’ve lost touch with the parts of you, that makes you, you. I think, because of what happened, your emotions just intensified everything. You didn’t know how to handle it and now you do. You’re still there, and we all love you for it.” 

“Did you write that down first?” Ben asks, sarcastically. 

“No, actually. Just a good friend,” Hux says. 

“Are you going to be ok?” Rey asks as Ben let’s go of her and actually sits up on the stretcher. Her hand lands on the back of his before wrapping her fingers around it. 

“If you guys are here, then yes,” Ben sighs, his eyes casting down. 

“Always,” Rey says softly and Hux nods his head yes. He doesn’t want to interrupt them. 

She can’t help but to bring his gigantic hand up and place a gentle kiss on his palm. Then her arms wrap around him from his side. She wishes she was taller to lay her head on his shoulder. Part of it is the stretchers fault. 

“My knee fucking hurts and I don’t feel good. I felt it pop,” Ben says, wiping his face off. 

Now that he’s calmed down he’s starting to feel the extent of his injury. Most of his pain is coming from the knee cap area but it’s spreading up and down his leg. He can’t move it either. 

“You ready to go to the hospital?” Hux asks. 

“If I have to,” Ben says, dreading the thought. The hospital is his least favorite place in the world. Too many negative experiences. 

“If you need a few minutes still it’s fine, but you are going,” Hux states firmly. 

“Really?” Ben whines like a child. 

“You would’ve been going either way,” Rey says. 

“You’re right,” Ben sighs. 

“How come you don’t get the argument?” Hux jokes. 

“Because I physically can’t,” Ben replies. “She’s my everything.” 

“I know. Five minutes and then we’re going,” Hux says, leaving them to themselves. 

“Thank you for coming tonight, even though I’m going to the hospital,” Ben whispers. 

“Of course. I’m just glad I was able to be here to help you this time. It upsets me to think you’ve been going through that by yourself,” she responds. 

“I deal with it better by myself,” he says as she kisses his cheek. 

“You shouldn’t have to,” she says as he tries turning himself to face her. “Don’t move!” she says suddenly, grabbing his shoulders. “Don’t injure yourself more.” 

“Alright,” He sighs, settling to hold her from the side. 

Until it’s time to go they remain with their arms around each other. If Rey could’ve reached and he didn’t have to move, kisses would’ve been shared. 

Ben would’ve rather walked to the ambulance, rather than be carted out on the stretcher, but walking was out of the question. Rey and Hux wouldn’t have let him either. Hux probably would’ve knocked him back out, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the arguing. 

The next few hours is spent at the hospital, doing x-rays and multiple examinations. They all stay firm that Ben’s match is the only cause of the injury, leaving out what happened last night. 

In the end it’s decided his knee has been dislocated and there is a stable fracture on the patella. On top of that his patellar and quadricep tendon are torn along with ligaments and an artery. The ligaments and artery were torn when his knee became dislocated, resulting in a posterior knee dislocation. The fracture came from the blunt trauma, along with the tendon tears. 

He would’ve needed surgery sooner, rather than later, to fix it. But because of the torn artery, he has to be rushed back to surgery now. 

Rey, Hux and his trainer wait patiently in the waiting room for the next few hours. Hux and Rey spend a lot of it talking. It started out as a simple, nice to finally meet you conversation, but it ended up leading to Hux telling her various stories about Ben. Most of which were the embarrassing stories, like the time Ben got so drunk he forgot how to walk. 

Even when he wasn’t or isn’t drunk, Ben is the biggest dork/goofball Hux has ever met. 

The operation goes well but he spends the next day in and out of consciousness from the anesthetic. Rey spent the entire day by his bed, being there for him every time he woke up. At one point he needed to go the bathroom and he fell asleep mid stream. 

“It’s almost as bad as caring for him when he was drunk,” Hux jokes. “The motherfucker would pass out walking down the hall to his room.” 

Ben is released from the hospital the next day. He’ll start physical therapy soon. His title opportunity will have to wait till he’s heal. Rey of course, will be there every step of the way. 

For now, they’ll have to deal with his bitchy ass on crutches.


	12. A New Begining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end.

A few months later  
“This shit sucks!” Ben shouts in frustration as he sits down. Physical Therapy is not going the way he wants, at all. A quick and speedy recovery is not looking like it’s going to happen. 

“No shit Sherlock,” Hux laughs crouching down next to him. 

“Why did it have to be me?” Ben sighs. 

“Because you obviously did some fucked up shit in your past life,” Hux jokes. 

“Obviously,” Ben says, rolling his eyes. 

“You know your almost there. Just a few more stretches for the day,” Hux says. 

“But for how much longer?” Ben asks and Hux remains silent. “Yeah. That’s what I thought,” Ben huffs. 

“What’s Rey doing today?” Hux asks after a few moments, sitting down as well. 

“Just work,” Ben says, plainly. 

“Just work?” Hux asks. “Normally you say more than that.” 

“I know. I’m just pissed right now,” Ben replies. 

“Ben, you need to stop thinking you’re invincible and that you’re going to heal over night. You have a least a year till you’ll be able to start fighting again. Not everything is going to go your way,” Hux says, bluntly. 

“Thanks for stating the obvious,” Ben sighs, knowing he’s right. 

“Are you making dinner tonight?” Hux asks. 

“You’re not invited,” Ben laughs. 

“After all I do for you?” Hux says, pretending to be shocked. 

“Fine. But you eat in the kitchen and we’re at the table. It’s supposed to be family night,” Ben jokes. 

“And I’m not family?” Hux asks, trying to sound insulted. “Never mind. I’ll take the free food.” 

“Like your generals salary couldn’t buy you a three course meal every night,” Ben retaliates. 

“Fine I’ll buy,” Hux says. 

“Alright. Damn. Are you going to be the one to tell Rey she isn’t getting her chicken bacon ranch?” Ben laughs. 

“Nope. That’s you buddy,” Hux laughs, patting his shoulder. 

“You know I can’t,” Ben says, shooing Hux’s hand away. 

“I know. So, it’s going to be funny to watch,” Hux respondes. 

“You are a complete ass,” Ben says. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” hux reminds him as he stands back up. “Come on. You’ve got stretches to do, then you can start dinner.” 

“You’re helping,” Ben states, not letting him get out of this. 

“If you want me to,” hux says helping Ben to his feet. 

A few stretches later Ben’s not as pissed off and a year later he’s back in the ring. A lot of it is practicing and perfecting his skills again. He walks with a slight limp still and has to wear a brace when fighting, but it’s a lot better than it was. Soon enough he’s putting his title opportunity to good use. 

Shortly after he got injured, the divorce went through. After that night, her ex husband suddenly had a change of heart and signed it without fuss. 

When Ben could, he moved in with Rey. Everything started to change for them once they were officially together. They slowly figured out, that the other was the cure to their faults and broken parts. The kids even treat Ben as if he’s been their dad since the beginning. They’ve been a healing factor, just as much as Rey has. 

There’s still plenty of times where bad memories haunt both of them but they’re always there for each other. Their schedule is never predictable anymore but Ben has adjusted to the unpredictability. It’s become his new normal. 

Hux and Rey’s friend, Phasma, have also become part of their little family. They help out when they can or more like when Rey and Ben let them. 

For once in their lives things are finally going right and they’re actually happy. They have each other and their friends and family. 

 

Three years later  
“Calm down Ben,” Hux chuckles as he fixes Ben’s bow tie. 

“I can’t. You know I can’t,” Ben responds, feeling like the fabric is closing around his neck. “I get so nervous around her. I love her so much and every time I’m around her I act like a lovesick puppy. Like I just met her all over again.” 

“Maybe excited would be a better term instead of nervous?” Hux suggests as he finishes. 

“Maybe. Oh my god, I’m so, errrrggg! Fuck! Do I even look good?” Ben asks looking down at his tuxedo, wondering if he looks decent enough for her. He knows he won’t have to worry about her because she’ll look absolutely amazing in anything. He wants this to be perfect for her. 

“Dude, of course you look fucking great! Calm down. It won’t matter after the ceremony and reception anyways,” Hux jokes. 

“One step at a time, please. I gotta make it through the important part first. I want it to be perfect for her,” he says looking at himself in the mirror. Ok, maybe he doesn’t look as bad as he thinks he does. His hands go to adjust his bow, completely disregarding Hux’s work. 

“It will be and It should be perfect for you, too,” Hux reminds him as he stops Ben’s hands. 

“I’m more worried about her,” Ben replies. 

“You know, as much as I doubted you ever getting married, it’s happening; and if you don’t fucking enjoy it, too, I might just kill you,” Hux says. 

“You never thought I’d get married?” Ben laughs after a few moments. 

“No. You didn’t want it and I believed you. I guess it just takes a special someone to change your mind,” Hux shrugs as there’s a knock on the door. He gives Ben a smile before going to answer it. 

As he opens the door, Ben sees his parents standing on the other side. His mom, Leia, gasps as she sees her son, dressed up in his tux. 

“My god, he does clean up nicely!” she says in shock as they enter the room and Hux closes the door behind them. 

“This is a first,” his dad, Han, comments. 

“Yes, thank you for the compliments,” Ben laughs. 

“In all seriousness, you look very handsome,” leia says, as she hugs him. 

“Thanks mama,” he says hugging her back. 

“I can’t believe our son is actually getting married,” Han says. 

“Did you not think I would ever get married either?” Ben laughs, going to hug his dad. 

“You certainly did not seem like it,” Han says. 

“That’s what I thought!” Hux laughs. 

“Ok, well, it’s happening. So believe it,” Ben says defensively. 

“I’m glad you’re marrying this girl. I like that she’ll put you in your place,” leia says as she sits down on a nearby chair. 

“You would,” Ben laughs. 

“Well, Of course. I can’t always be there to do it,” Leia replies. 

“And I’m thankful,” Ben says. 

“Ahh, you’re mother just misses having someone else to yell at, besides me,” Han says, patting Ben’s shoulder. 

“He’ll understand one day,” Leia says. 

“I don’t like yelling at the kids, anyways. They get a look and they know to shape up. Otherwise, they get a swat on the butt and are grounded,” Ben says like a proud father. 

“Jesus. He already sounds like me!” Han laughs. 

“Well, I’m marrying her kids, too, so...” Ben says, with a hint of anger. He will not let this day get ruined. He loves his parents but god their jokes are pissing him off right now. It’s Rey’s and his day. That’s what’s important. 

The kids are just happy there’s cake. Well, Aska and Caine are old enough to appreciate this moment and the cake. 

“Don’t get fussy. We’re just giving you crap. Honestly, we are very proud of you and incredibly happy that you found someone to live your life with,” Leia says reaching for Ben's hand. He gives a slight smile as he takes it. 

“After everything you and Rey have been through, I’m glad you two have found your way together,” Han says, giving Ben one of his signature Han Solo smiles. 

“I already told you what I think,” Hux adds, cockily. 

“Yeah. You’ve loved her since the beginning,” Ben says. 

“No no. Just approved. She’s definitely all yours,” Hux says clarifying. 

“You’re damn right she’s all mine,” Ben says shoving his friends shoulder playfully. 

Suddenly there’s a small knock on the door before it opens. “It’s time” the wedding planner says. 

“Shit, ok,” Ben says, his nerves suddenly returning. 

“You’ll be just fine,” Hux whispers and Ben gives him a slight nod. 

“Just overly excited,” Ben responds with a smile. 

“You have every right to be,” Hux says patting Ben’s back. 

It doesn’t take long for the processional to get in position. Ben will enter first with his mom, followed by his dad, Rey’s mom, Hux and Phasma, and then Rey. It all ends up going smoothly. Ben almost started crying when Rey walked down the aisle, with her father. She was breathtakingly beautiful. 

Their knees both shake as they stand in front of everyone with the pastor standing between them. Their hands are the only thing keeping the other stable. 

”Rey,” Ben starts off his vows. 

“When I met you I was going back down a dark road, that only few know about. Im thankful that you are one of them and that you help me without question. Every day I continue to push through with you right by my side. I know your life hasn't been easy either and just as much as you’re there for me, I’ll be there for you. I’m so thankful that we found our way into each other's lives. I honestly don't know what I’d do without you or your kids. You guys are my entire life and I’m going to love you till the day I die,” Ben smiles like an idiot, trying hard not to stumble over his words. 

Then Aska, Caine, and Kyra had him his ring. His hands tremble as he slips it onto Rey’s finger. He lets out a breath as he looks at her. It's like she's glowing with beauty, as her cheeks are a soft shade of red. 

”Ben, you and I both know, I've stood here before. Only, I was wrong and I married the wrong person, at the time. Now, I'm standing here again, with the person I couldn't live without. You know about my struggles, just like I know about yours. There's plenty of reasons why we were brought together but being the support to the other is one of the biggest. I'm so proud of everything you've worked through and I'm grateful you help me through my own problems. My kids absolutely adore you and you do so much for me. I absolutely love you, Ben Solo,” Rey smiles also trying not to stumble on her own words. 

Then her kids hand her ring to put on Ben’s finger. They both chuckle when she almost drops it but it does find its place. 

”Ben, do you take Rey as your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?" the priest asks. 

”I do,” Ben replies. 

”And do you Rey, take Ben as your lawful Husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?” 

”I do” Rey responds. 

Holy shit, this is happening, they think. There’s not a doubt in their mind that this is right. They’re the missing pieces to each others puzzle. 

”By the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!” the priest announces and clapping ensues. 

The priest barely gets the words out before Ben takes her face in her hands and kisses her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am never writing a wedding scene again. It took me longer to write that one scene than it did to writer the rest of the story.
> 
> I hope you guys have enjoyed whatever this was. Im sorry about my poor grammar and how I wrote it. I did warn you though. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me! I appreciate you guys and the comments you've left. Im sorry I don't respond but I do read them and appreciate them. 
> 
> Like I said a few chapters ago im working on a history oriented fic. Forewarning, for whenever I actually write it, it's going to be set in Nazi Germany and Ben will be an SS Officer. I wanted to put my useless history knowledge to good use, to say the least. I can't tell you the end of it for obvious reasons but don't worry about a bad outcome. It'll be dark but it'll also make you think a little, which will be the point. All i'm saying is, don't go into reading it with a closed mind. 
> 
> I'm also working on another fic but it's going to be light hearted with angst.
> 
> Im on Tumblr at LokiHutchersonMellark, if you would go give me a like there. 
> 
> Thank you guys, again!


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